// Everything inside screams for second life.

Being grounded really sucks. I don't really see how it's supposed to motivate me to do better in school. I can see how it works out as punishment, but my mom says she wants me to take this time to re-evaluate my goals in life and to clean my up act. Uh... whose goals? Your goals or my goals? For goodness' sake. My dad says I'm grounded 'till the Hawaii trip. My mom says I'm grounded for a week. For the first time in my life, I actually want to side with my mom. But then my dad's catch is, I'm grounded 'till Hawaii OR until I learn how to play Stairway To Heaven by Led Zeppelin on guitar. Uh... right. I hope I don't butcher this thing.

Anyway, I'm actually really excited for this High Society thing. I got my skirt, I got my "accessories", I got my shirt and shoes. Flip flops, really, but hey, I match and that's what matters. That's not completely true. But that's okay. BAHA! I'm such a kick.

 

// Vindicated

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed

But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So clear
Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye

And rendered me
So isoloated, so motivated
I am certain now that
 
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away (3x)
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away (4x)
 
I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself

Slight hope
It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...

// Back in town.

It's good to be back. I missed everyone so much while I was at camp. I kept seeing Anne and Matt there because there was a girl who looked like Anne and guys who kept sounding like Matt or walking like Matt. Plus, they had a Canada Day on the Wednesday, and Matt, you would've loved it.
 
Camp was absolutely amazing. I've never spent such a fantastic week with God. Every service spoke to me and worship always ended in tears. I thank God every morning for the life he's given to me and the people he's blessed me with. Even though life will get difficult and you'll get hurt sometimes, it's okay because God will help you work things out. God loves me and it's still hard for me to grasp that. But I know he's there waiting for the day where I will fully comprehend that fact.
 
Isn't it beautiful?

// Day 5: Weird Feeling Still There

Well, crazy week is more then half over, and it definitly is getting better. The weird fealing though that this is a weird week is still there. Anywho, I gotta tell you about day 4...

Day 4 has had to been my best day, by FAR! I organized my songs and burned some CD's and that was kind of fun. Then I went out to Hon's with Julian for dinner! We had a chat about my grade 12 year because apperently he and some other people were woried about my education. I talked to him and explained what courses I was takling and we both had a great time! It's good to know that people really do care for me too! Then it was off to PJ's with Anne, and it was soooooooooooooooooooooooooo fun! We played this Awesome game and Anne and I kept on blocking his one place and, well, you had to have been there. It was great though! Really was!

Day 5 was a noon game at the stadium. So it was fine, I was top hawker. Then it was chill time with Nelly and Joyce at White Spot! That was fun! Although the food was a little disapointing, but thats ok. I then brought Nelly to my place where we got some hockey sticks and ran into Sarah! That was fun too! Then we taught Nelly how to play hockey, then some 1 on 1, Garry and me. I lost 4-2 but it was pretty intense. Then we did some more random things and now I sit at home! I can't wait for this week to end though, it's just sooo weird.

As i sit here enjoying my 36 hour day off. I realize how amaing God is, he gives us so much, and we deserve nothing. Most people live day to day ignoring and avoiding him, such a waste to do that. Live life for him, don't lock him out. Things are given meaning through him, so why not live in him?

// Day 3: Holy Shnikies

This day was just weird, I hate this day!! I had a horrable sleep and I couldn't go to work, I had no energy. This day was a day where I organized my music too. I downloaded songs I wanted and deleted songs I don't need.  I found out Andrew was moving away which was sad. Andrew is such a cool guy.
 
I wish you luck Andrew
 
I then went and got my haircut, had lunch with my grandma, and watched MXC!! I love that show. It was then off to work, which was ok.  I only made $1 in tips! Whats up with that? I then got a call from Dyllan, and all the toughts I got out of my head have come back. Sounded like he was having so much fun! I want to be there! But what you gonna do...

// MY life changing week...

Well...some of you know it, some of you will come home to find a gigantic suprise. I'm moving today, to Abbotsford.

Stress at home is a big factor, but also since I got fired from work (a long story, it wasn't my fault) I decided nothing's holding me back, I'm outtie.

Truth is, I will be coming back for every youth event. So you guys are sorta bringin' me back.

Just a short note, really. I must get going, laundry and packing to do. See you all soon! :)

// Day 2: Working Man

Day 2 came today, and I didn't feel as bad. There were times I was like "I Wounder What There Doing Now?"
 
I went to work with Dave, and talk about hard core work!! Holy crap!! I was worked! It was kind of like working on my train set, but way more effort. As originaly though, time crawled and I couldn't wait until I was done! Now it's back to work at the Stadium. It wasn't too bad. I was still so tired from work with Dave though.  Anywho, today was really a Monday, it really didn't feel like Sunday! Oh Yeah, I'm not traumatized Nelly!!! I just can't believe I'm missing out on this "life changing week". Anywho...
 
Day 2: Complete
Status: Hard!! Physicaly demanding!!

Thot id write sumthing since i havent logged in in ages...so yea hey evbody! okay so half or myb more of ya are like away at camp..well that sucks. poor matt ..you seem traumatized cos your not at camp. *mental hug* im positive ma swimsuit is rottin in your car..haha...try not think about it. im bored and i dunt have a job...omgoodness i need one...but no one seems to like me. *sniff*.  wot am i gonna do for da whole weeeek...okay lets seee...swimmin, pool..cough cough* billiards, Mcds all alone..yeup..must not forget da mall.! who likes beyonce knowles...im listening to her song rite now..mm mm mmmmm i lurv her! evone *sighs. okay im gonna leave it here. peace out.

// With Or Without You

See the stone set in your eyes
See the thorn twist in your side
I wait for you
 
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
 
With or without you
With or without you
 
Through the storm we reach the shore
You give it all but I want more
And I'm waiting for you
 
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
 
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
 
My hands are tied
My body bruised, she's got me with
Nothing to win and
Nothing left to lose
 
And you give yourself away
And you give yourself away
And you give
And you give
And you give yourself away
 
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
 
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
With or without you

// Day 1 of Crazy Week

Starting on this Saturday, and ending next Saturday, I have deemed Crazy Week. I don't know what this week has in store for me, and It's freakin me out! So I've decided to write about each and every day so I can figure out why it's so crazy.
 
This morning was hard, it really was. I said good bye to my best friends, and I wouldn't see them for a week. There was something bugging me too. Yes, I wasn't going to see my friends for a while, but I soon realized that it was because I wasn't going. I wasn't going to camp. I wasn't going to camp. I actualy wasn't going to camp. Any major even in the youth group i usualy come, but I wasn't going to camp. It was so hard to just deal with the fact, especialy when everyone was excited. All today I was going "I waunder what there doing now?" I really wished I went to camp, but then again, I really like having Speedy Reidy. You can't have them all, but I wish i could. Then the weirdest most weirdest thing of all was coming back to the church with Bill. It was an empty bus, no youth. It was fun, but no youth. Wow.
 
I played hockey today and it wasn't the greatest. I had a poor record (1-2-0) but it was nice to do something to get my mind of camp. I got hit in the shoulder so that kind of hurt. Then a guy took a shot at me with his stick in the arm. When I get home, theres a message saying hey Matt, you got to be at work at 5 instead of 6. No biggie for me. As I'm about to go, Dave Philips calls me and asks if I want to go to work with him tomorrow. Yes! I signed myself up so I'm going to work tomorrow at 8:30 in the morning! When I get home, i go back to work!! Haha! Oh man, crazy week.
 
Work was ok. I was  really tired so I slacked. I made $265 in sales so that was nice! I got home earlier then expected and now bed is in my mind.
 
Day 1: Complete.
Status: Hard, the emotions really got to me.

// Hot.

You guys, I got the worst tan/sun burn yesterday. EVER. It's not funny. Please don't laugh when we go to the beach today. That's mean.

BRING SUNSCREEN.

// Which path...?

Serving Christ is no laughing, easy, good times matter. In fact, everyday can be a struggle.

Jesus said to a very rich man "Sell all your belongings and give everything you own to the poor, then you can follow me". The cost of following Jesus to this man was very great. But it is great to everyone, you have to CHOOSE Jesus in everything you do.

What I mean is that you shouldn't feel too discouraged. Find strength in the Lord and remember that He has a great plan. Just remember to put Him first in everything.

To go to Bible college, I sacrificed having a car, my friendships here at home, life living that was normal. Insuring a car is very expensive. Going to Bible college is also very expensive. There is financial aid for one of the two...

Do you remember Annick's words? Embrace them; they were not from her, but from God.

// Another Crushing Blow

After a crappy morning I decided to call my dad and tell him about me getting car insurance. Turns out that the price he gave me was for the smallest amount possible. That means I can't go to school, work, or anything. And my step mom was already a $%$#@% this morning! This is honestly too much for me now. I have lost all confidence in everything I do. I can't get job, I can't afford to insure Speedy Reidy, I can't do barely anything. Why does this hapen now? Why during the time where you should be happy? I hate this a lot. It's so hard to go anywhere with a smile now and just put everything behind. I've already hanled so much crap, i don't want to go through anymore.

// The clock turns back again.

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday were the four raddest days all summer. AND ALL IN A ROW, TOO! Talk about a winning streak.

Yesterday was awesome 'cause Nick, Matt M, Dyllan and I went downtown for the Switchfoot concert. It was REALLY good. Totally amazing. Switchfoot ended the set without playing Dare You To Move and I was so upset because that's my favourite song by them and I couldn't believe they didn't play it. But then everyone started chanting for an encore, so of course, they come back on stage and THEY PLAYED DARE YOU TO MOVE. How wonderful! It inspired me to actually learn something on an instrument so that Matt, Nick, Kevin and I could actually play something at our next "jam session". Radtastic.

And this morning, I met Alex, Andy's little brother and he is SO COOL! I tried to convince Mrs. Gabruch not to leave until after Wednesday so Alex could join us at Youth. Everyone, if you meet Mrs. Gabruch, tell her not to leave till Thursday! And Alex really is really cool. :)

Anyway, I went to the library today and got a bunch of movies, so I think I'll watch those now.

// Ricci Headed To phoenix, Recchi Is Returning To The Penguins, and Robson Will Be Absent At Nanoose Bay Camp

After seven seasons with the San Jose Sharks, Mike Ricci will be leaving the Sharks for the phoenix Coyotes. Mark Recchi will be going back to his original team, Pittsburgh, and after a lot of thought, and lots of input, Goalie Matthew Robson has decided that he will not be joining RPC Youth in the Nanoose Bay Teen Camp.

There are many superlatives that you can use to describe Mike Ricci, but the most widely held is that of competitor," general manager Michael Barnett said. "He lays it on the line, every shift, every night."
He said he looks forward to joining his new club.
"The Coyotes have a great nucleus of young, talented players," Ricci said.

Recchi's agent, Rick Curran, wouldn't provide details on the contract, but said the right wing is "absolutely delighted" to be in Pittsburgh, where he has kept a home for several years.

After everything seemed to be a go, Matthew Robson has pulled out of Nanoose Bay teen camp.
"It's a tough decision for me" Robson said. "I really wanted to go, but there were just certain details I had to work out."
Robson is expected to be working during the week he was going to be at camp and with the extra cash he has decided to insure his car.

// Second Guessing Camp

Camp now has turned into a large debate with myself. After getting my first pay cheque, I realized how close I was to getting car insurance, and how close I could come to getting both car insurance and an editing system! However, to be able to purchase these 2 products, I would have to give up my camp money and not go to Nanoose Bay Teen Camp. It all comes down to priorities now.

First priority, an editing system. For many, many, many, many, many years, I have NEEDED and editing system. Once I get one, I can start to edit my train movies and start to sell them! Yay!!! This has been something I've needed for a long time.

Second priority, car insurance. I've needed money for car insurance ever since I received my 'N' in February. Now that Speedy Reidy has official become vacant, it could be all mine! Once again, I've never had the money for this, so finally getting the chance to get car insurance is exciting.

Don't get me wrong, Camp seems Awesome!!! I mean really Awesome!!! But it all comes down to my priorities. The thought of camp came into my head in late June, not many years ago, or in February. Plus, when I'm at camp, I'm missing six days of work, which adds up to about $200 bucks! The only thing that keeps me from not staying behind is the disappointment I leave with friends. I really don't know what to do... I'm praying to see what I should do, but honestly, the possibilities of me staying home the week of the 17th to the 24th are very likely.

// I Can See Clearly Now The Rain Has Gone

Well, today is the day I finally drop of my resume to Canadian Tire. I'm really hoping that I get this job, like really hoping. I'm up so early for me!! Oh well, got a noon game today. Hope I do well. Notice how my life is full of hope? I find that cool!

So after I got home from work I went to my room and worked on some trains before I went to bed. I really wanted to enjoy some awesome worship at youth, but I was at work, so it wasn't happening. So everyone was in bed and the lights turned off, I decided to listen to my Hillsong CD. It was like worship, my headphones blocked any other noise and you could hear the crowd in the background. It was actually awesome! I worshiped Jesus by myself in my room with just a CD. I really enjoyed it and it made me reflect on past good times.

Anywho, some closing comments. Yes Marey Kate is addicted to cocaine and she's in some rehab centre. And now with this post, I believe that 50% of the last 10 posts have been mine. UH OH STEPHANIE! hahaha! Good times, I wonder why are other members don't post?

// Stupid Sky Train

So what the hec is up with this stupid sky train? Not only is it a poser train, it lies!! ATTENTION EVERYONE!! Don't listen to the sky train! It's evil!!! It's a train in the sky!!!! That's wrong!!! So anywho, the reason why I hate this is because I got confused and didn't get of at the right station. Well...I did, but I wanted to get off at a different station, it's a complicated story.

So I was in Burnaby today, cutting the grass at my dad's work area and I decided to think. First thing that popped into my head is how different I am from my family! It's so true!!! I mean, look at it, my entire family needs glasses! I, on the other hand, don't. I'm really artistic when it comes to things. For example, our model train set. My new train set I'm working on I'm more dedicated to detail. Same with photography and filming, I love to get the art side of things.

Second thing I thought of was envy...

The movie Envy is about two good friends. Ben Stiller, who plays one of the friends, is a hard working guy dedicated to his work. The other friend, Jack Black plays some easy going slacker. All of the sudden, he thinks of this wack idea and Stiller decides not to join in and Black become rich. This scenario is almost like my life. I know I shouldn't be envy or anything, and I'm really not, but I am. Why? Dyllan has this great job and now he's going to get a great car. I can't get a decent job and I have no money for a car! I know I know it's stupid, but it does make me a little jealous. But I'm happy for the guy. I'm trying to put it behind me and just ignore it, but I saw poor Speedy Reidy just sitting there. Made me wish I had money.

Third thing I thought about was camp. Can I really afford to take a week of from life? In times like these where I need money for car insurance? When I need to find a good paying job? When I need to start saving for post secondary? Can I afford it? Literally, can I afford that much money? The answer is no! I can't afford to take a week of from life! I can't afford the $290 dollars! I haven't realized but the real world is coming soon, and I'm not going to be prepared to face it. It's hard to believe that I have so much going on inside that my friends don't even know, and that I don't even know. Luckily, I have Jesus on my side. He's cheering me on from the sidelines. Couldn't ask for a better fan. So what to do? Skip camp? Maybe, I'll pray. If God wants me to go, then I'll go.

On my trip home, I think I was given a sign. My dad gave me a company cheque for cutting the grass. I'm expecting a small number such as $20. I look at it, and I see a cheque for $100!! Just my luck too! I need $133 more to go to camp! So who knows! Maybe I should go to camp!

Oh yeah! I hate East Side Vancouver!!! To Big and confusing! Oh yeah, Steph. In the last 10 posts, I've posted the most! Who posts more now!?! I think I'm addicted to Subway cookies too! Just like Marey Kate and cocaine

// Will See About That!

Steph,you are the only one!?!?! I post stuff all the time!!!! Geez Cheez.

Anywho, a quick comment, Andrew is gonna help spice up the blog, just like he's spiced up his so It's gonna rock!

I like this look way more then the polka dot thing! Thank goodness you changed that!

So yeah swimming was fun and I killed in the quarter game!! I was soooooo good! Yep, I really should go now sooo, Bye!

// A Post

"Something".

// Let's see what "broil" does.

I feel like I'm the only one left here who posts on a regular basis anymore. That's okay. Once I post this, someone'll come and post something just to proove me wrong. Like how I did when Matt posted about this very topic.

Yesterday was amusing. Anne, Dyllan, Matt, my bro and I went swimming and it was so fun! Matt and I started a competition/game where someone threw a quarter and then we had to race to get it back from the bottom of the deep, dark, dangerous pool. It was rad until I scraped my elbow on the bottom of the pool. Actually, I think that wasn't from the game, but that's okay. Then we sat in the sauna for a long time and it was gross. Dyllan's gross. And then we got locked in for awhile. But that's okay 'cause we were broiling. :)

And yeah, Andrew, what's going on this Wednesday? I'm too lazy to e-mail you, so I'm hoping you check this regularly.

Steph's Official Countdowns:
1 DAY 'TILL SUPERFUN SLEEPOVER
2 DAYS 'TILL THE FINDING EMO TOUR KICK-OFF
4 DAYS 'TILL SWITCHFOOT AT THE COMMODORE BALLROOM
7 DAYS 'TILL WARPED TOUR 2004 AT TBIRD STADIUM
11 DAYS 'TILL NANOOSE BAY TEEN CAMP

// I think I'm being isolated in a good way.

I just made cookies today. That got me really excited. They're pretty good too.

I've done nothing all day 'cept make stencils, actually paint a stencil, make more stencils, bake cookies, talk on the phone, and yeah... that was by far, my least interesting day since school let out. And it's a bit grey/rainy, so I assume Ultimate Frisbee is out for tonight. Which gets me wondering... what ARE we doing for Youth tonight? But that's all part of the mystery and excitement.

I got Spongebob Squarepants pyjamas and just thought everyone should know.

I also found out that Dashboard Confessional will be visiting Vancouver in October (was it October), but unfortunately, will be playing a 19+ venue, which is a bit unsettling. I always thought Dashboard was for the kids. The kids who are stuck in a world of continuous heart break and rejection. Not a world of urban, trendy working young adults who drink on the weekends to forget their busy work lives. Oh well. I tried.

I am disgruntled. The jeans I was hoping to wear for tomorrow are not in the wash, but alas, still in the hamper. That's okay. I think I'll do some laundry tonight. It's sad to think that the only time I ever do laundry is when I need something to wear. It's not so bad though.

// Richmond To The Railway: We Don't Want You No More

Wednesday my step mom left to go to Galiano early, just be herself, leaving my dad and me. While eating diner at my granny's, my dad calls and says "You want to go train exploring?". Whoa, a question I haven't been asked for so long. Why? Well, maybe due to the absence of Fred, me spending more time with my friends, or because of my Step mom. As I recall, the last time I went train exploring it was with my step mom. It really sucked. You can Never NEVER bring someone who isn't as into trains as you. The time before was almost a year ago, without Charlene. Once again, she was not in the city. It was time to take advantage of the situation.

"Sure! Lets do it!" I said and we went into Richmond to explore tracks I always wanted to explore. It was my favorite childhood trains other line that we went on, and all these times I've never really seen these tracks from the rails point of view. We started on No 2 road, out by the bridge over to Steveston, and I had Susan (my camera)with me ready to take interesting shots of the old line. It was really really weird. I never knew any of these things were hear. But what broke my heart was how businesses have treated the railroad. We found 12 customers the railroad serviced, or used to. Out of those 12, only one received railroad cars. ONE! 1!!! It was so surprising to see that. It's so interesting how people really dislike the business of the railroad. Broke my heart.

On a closing note, as we made are way back to the car, and came close to the end of the line, I saw a 'W' sign. This sign obviously stands for Whistle. But there was no need to whistle, there was no road it was crossing. Ahhhh, but many years ago, the railway did cross the road, and went into Steveston. MANY years ago. And now all that stands in remembrance of the history of the old line to Steveston is a whistle sign. How sad. We Don't Want You Anymore trains, and once your gone, no one will remember you. That's probably true, and sad for a railroader like me...