//Monday, November 29, 2004

// There's a shortage of charm in this world.

I tried posting this earlier, but my computer was being stupid, so here.

ARG. It is unfortunate that I must announce to the world that I am the 1000th visitor of WHATEVER!. I was checking for new posts, but the background or colour or something wasn't loading properly, so I couldn't read any of the text. So I refreshed the page and then Matt's post came up and then I scrolled down and realized I had indeed given birth to the 1000th refresh of this site. I kinda wish it had been a visitor instead of someone who actually writes on this site. GAH. So sorry to let you all down. And now, onto the actual topic of this post.

I wish I were in love. I wish I had someone to look fondly upon and for someone to look fondly upon me. But alas, the most common looks I receive these days are looks of confusion and ridicule. I know I sound really desperate and pathetic, but that's okay. I'm just simply saying I'm getting impatient for Prince Charming to arrive, that is, if such a person exists. I believe that everyone has the perfect mate chosen for them by God and that it is in His plan and His time that we will meet this perfect partner. But you can't really blame a 17 year-old girl for wanting to be in love NOW. I was listening to a song called "Beautiful Soul" by Jesse McCartney and it made me sigh. How lovely. I'm not depressed or sad or upset or even remotely negative right now. It's just a sense of longing. I miss being held. That's all. I miss warmer weather and brighter skies. That's all, really.

Avril Lavigne's "My Happy Ending" just started up on my playlist. I admit, I do like some of her new material, but y'know. Sarah McClaughlin co-wrote all of it. But, the point is... oh, just read the lyrics. You'll get it.

Let's talk this over,
It's not like we're dead.
Was it something I did?
Was it something uou said?
Don't leave me hanging,
In a city so dead,
Held up so high,
On such a breakable thread.

It's nice to know that you were there,
Thanks for acting like you cared,
And making me feel like I was the only one.
It's nice to know we had it all,
Thanks for watching as I fall,
And letting me know we were done.

You were all the things I thought I knew,
And I thought we could be.

You were everything, everything that I wanted.
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it.
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away.
All this time you were pretending,
So much for my happy ending.

Avril Lavigne - My Happy Ending

I'm not as angry as this song may seem, but I share its sense of longing and confusion. Oh well. What's done is done.

// Look Out!...

Look Out! We're about to have are 1000th Visitor! Wowzers! 1000! It could be you! Keep on the watch! We must shower are visitor with gifts! Ummm, yes, gifts...

//Friday, November 26, 2004

// Matt's Christmas List!

Okay, here's what I got for my christmas list for the family...

DVD’s Shallow Hal, Man on Fire, School of Rock, Spiderman 1 and 2, Wayne Gretzky’s Life (that’s not the name, but it’s a biography on him). Those are just some, I’m sure there are more DVD’s I want, but that should work.

CD’sAnything U2 or Barenaked Ladies, I love those guys. United Hillsong CD’s I would love too. You can’t download those songs so getting one of there CD’s would rock!

Hockey Stuff Any memorabilia or souvenirs are cool. Stuff that I can hang in my room or like collector items. For example, Sarah bought me a NHL clock and Fred bought me this Calgary Flames jersey history thing. Any of that rocks.

CD PlayerNot a portable one like I have, one like Sarah has! One with an alarm clock too so I don’t have to wake up to my radio that can’t stay tuned!

Hockey EquipmentI need the following; a new glove, blocker, elbow pads, and shin pads. I prefer them to be farley good quality or else they won’t last for a while, and I want to start getting more ice hockey equipment. If you don’t know what good quality is, ask Fred, he knows. I also need a new goalie stick. Again, it needs to be good quality. It CAN NOT be plastic. It has to be like mine I have (the blade I have on the one I have is slowly dieing).

TrainsI have no N Scale engines! So I need a new engine one day. Also, I want to get a bit more BC Rail stuff for the HO before they stop making BC Rail stuff. G scale stuff is cool too!

Pictures I love pictures of trains! But they have to be trains that I know or areas I know. Like the Royal Hudson, or Kettle Valley. There’s a really nice picture of the 2816 coming around Morant’s curve which I like.

Playstation 2 I need a multi-tap and some more controllers. For games, I wouldn’t mind NHL 2005, but it wouldn’t be my first choice. I would rather go for one of Tom Clancy’s games or Medal of Honor.

ClothingNo more t-shirts!! I need like a cool shirt that I can wear to church. Not like a dad shirt, but a formal cool looking shirt!

Random Stuff I saw this cool bible once that had a tin front and cover and it had the top of a pop can and said “Thirsty?” I thought that was so cool! Car insurance! Lava Lamps blow my mind! Yeah, that’s all I can think of.

//Wednesday, November 24, 2004

// Jesus

Jesus, I don’t want to die alone…

I broke down in my bed. I started to cry. Listening to this song by Johnny Cash, what a trial he has been through.

This song just has seemed to hit me… I don’t know what to think. Why do I go into these weird funks? Why do I see no reason to get up in the morning?

Keep singin’ Johnny

…My Love wasn’t true, now all I have is you…

Pick yourself up Matt. You’ve got so much to love. So much to do. So may hugs to give. Why are you confused? What troubles do you have? Where has the pain hit you? Why do you have pain?

Why can’t I be more like Jesus? I can! Why haven’t I started? Am I even worthy enough to be in your presence?

Carry on Johnny…

…I know I have sinned, but Lord I’m sufferin’…

I have sinned. Jesus forgives our sins though! AMEN! What an awesome God where we can’t start all over again. But still, where’s my hope for tomorrow?

Keep goin’ Mr. Cash…

…Jesus! JESUS!!!...
…All my troubles! All my pain! It’s going to leave me once again!
…All my troubles! All my pain! It’s going to leave me once again!
…All my troubles! ALL MY PAIN!!!! It’s going to LEAVE ME once again!!!!
…going to leave me once again…

All my troubles will leave me again! All my pain will leave me!!!

I would like to say thank you to all my friends. For being my friends, even when I’m not a good friend. You all are so special. Thank you…

I know that I will not die alone, because Jesus has given me friends.

And all my troubles and all my pain will leave me once again! Thank you Johnny for giving me this song. For a song that makes me think, and makes me appreciate the people you have placed in my life.

I’m sure you thanked Jesus when he gave you the idea for this song. But now you can thank him personally.


Carry on Matt… carry on…

//Tuesday, November 23, 2004

// If God is a DJ...

I've been the girl with her skirt pulled high,
Been the outcast never running with mascara eyes.
Now I see the world as a candy store,
With a cigarette smile, saying things you can't ignore;
Like Mommy, "I love you,"
Daddy, "I hate you,"
Brother, "I need you,"
Lover, "Hey, f*** you,"
I can see everything here with my third eye,
Like the blue in the sky.

If God is a DJ,
Life is a dance floor,
Love is the rhythm,
You are the music.
If God is a DJ,
Life is a dance floor,
You get what you're given,
It's all how you use it.

Pink - God Is A DJ

So winter formal is in a week and a day. I'm stoked. I'm buying my ticket tomorrow. There's a song request list where you can write down one song when you buy your ticket, and I think I'm going to write down that one. God Is A DJ by Pink. I guess it's a theme song of sorts that keeps coming back in my life. Anyway, there are so many things that come with a grad event, and I wish I didn't have to deal, but I'm still going through all the motions. I guess even though I might not want to give the impression that I'm curious, I am. I just need to chill out, relax, and just cruise into winter formal and have a kick. Forget everything else.

I guess that's life, eh? Everyone is born, they get high-strung, relax a bit just in time to enjoy the rest of their life before they die. But it's a good life. I've been blessed with a breath in my lungs every morning, all my limbs (including both thumbs - very important), awesome friends and family, semi-above average intellect and appreciation of the arts, mentors who have taught me lessons that I will keep for all of this lifetime and beyond, enough talent to keep myself amused, a sense of humour to entertain others, and just to be here, on this earth. (That was totally a run-on sentence.)

Even just standing in the cold, with the rain running down your face is peaceful. Yeah, there's drama in everyone's life and everyone has a story that could break your heart, but in the end, we're all human. We all make mistakes, but we've all been saved. We're all under the same sky with the same hope. We just need to be more grateful sometimes. And realize more things about our lives.

I see people at school who don't give a flying eff about anything 'cept sex, mary-jay, and drinking 'till they puke their freakin' guts out. That's no way to live a life that has so much potential. I'm glad I've got Christian friends to hold me accountable for my actions and I'm glad I can be there to support them and hold them accountable.

Like Matt reminded us in the previous post, everything in life happens for a reason. Though we might not want to acknowledge that, we need to respect it. It is God's plan and things will turn out well in the end. Sometimes I think about everything that happened at the end of summer, and I honestly sometimes want to cry and smash things and scream at the world. I want to get frustrated. I want to be hurt. I want an excuse not to be responsible. But that's life. Things change and lovers will come and go. But I'm okay with that. I don't regret all the happenings and events at the end of summer. They taught me something.

I learned that love really isn't as common as most people make it to be. And that what most people think is "love", really isn't. What I had was love in every sense of the word that I could understand at the time. How could it not be? And I'm glad that it was who it was, because it was a time and a relationship that I will remember for the rest of my life. One day, I'll probably tell that story over and over again to my own daughter. But that one chance that you get to spend the rest of your life with that one special person, take it. I don't mean marriage, but if there is someone in your life that you want to keep around for the rest of your life, do it. Work at it. I want to keep my bestfriend around forever because he is honestly one of the best people I have ever known. He makes me laugh; he makes me happy. SO HAPPY. I don't even know why. I just know it's beyond what I could ever explain to anyone. I love that guy.

God, it just feels good to be alive.

//Monday, November 22, 2004

// Why?

I sit here and question life.

I listen to songs that remind me of past times that will never come again. Will better times come? Most likely, but it won’t be the same.

When I say I question life, it doesn’t mean I’m contemplating suicide. I’ve been before. For those who have just read this, you’re probably the first people I have ever told. But if I’m going to be telling a crowd of youth Friday, I have nothing to hide.

I’m not suicidal. I have been put in this world for a reason. I am to endure the crap that family, school, friends, enemies, and the world throw at me. I can take the crap. I might get hurt, but I’ll stand back up. Take another shot at me if you want.

If God does have a plan for me, he won’t leave me down and out. I know he has a plan for me.

Why do we go through this? Why do friends hurt each other? Why does family sometimes hurt us? Why does God take something so important in our life away?

But then I ask myself, why did Jesus where that crown of rose bushes? Why did he repeatedly get whipped? Why did he have to carry his own cross? Why did he have to go through that?

There is a reason behind everything. Do we know why? Not all the time.

Why is my mom not with me? Why do I have a step mom who treats me nowhere near as nice as my original mom? Why did she have to go when I was so young? Gods got a reason, but I don’t know it. Anyone can’t answer that question. Only the almighty God can.

Why did Jesus die on the cross? Because he loves us!!! HE LOVES US!!! The next person you see go up to them and say that Jesus died for them. Jesus died for me!!! Is that not an awesome sacrifice?? What more could I ask for?

God took Jesus up to heaven when the people he loved needed him. Jesus was so awesome. I love Jesus!!

My mom was awesome. Not as awesome as Jesus. If God has different plans for us, then that’s okay. No matter who he takes.

I miss my mom. I have tears running down my eyes because I miss her. I will always miss her, but I can honestly say I’m glad she is in heaven. I’m happy she is with my father in heaven. Not that I’m saying “yes! She’s gone!” It’s more like yes! She’s home!

You want what’s best for the people you love, no matter how much it hurts

//Sunday, November 21, 2004

// I'm Shakin'

It made me very cold,
It made me very cold,

Now I'm, now
I'm sh-sh-shakin'
sh-shakin' sh-shakin' sh-shakin' sh-shakin'
I'm sh-sh-shakin'

Well, I'm supposed to feel better,
This nightmare's supposed to end.

AAH. I want to scream sometimes, my current situation seems somewhat familiar... and my parents are acting the exact same way I've seen them do many times before, except now it's me. They worry about the littlest things, and they're just so plain stubborn.

The other thing is... I got a hair cut! Ah. It feels so cold, dang-namit I knew I shouldn't have told the barber to cut it this short, owell it's hair. It'll grow back... eventually.

//Saturday, November 20, 2004

// "You have been hit." "AARRRRRGAAAH!!"

Besides home, Youth is probably the one place where I know I can be myself and be safe and comfortable and all these wonderful things. Because I trust the people there. Of course, there was that stint at the end of summer when Youth wasn't very fun to go to, but that's another story altogether. But anyway, tonight's event was actually a bit disappointing. I'm not saying it was all bad, it just... wasn't what I had hoped it would be. The Ladner group came in and I talked to the normal ones, which was like, maybe four people in total. The rest of the time was a lot of waiting around and it was just way too crowded. Way. And by the time we finished at Planet Lazer and got back to the church, it was 11:15 PM, which is much too late to head out to McDonald's again. I know this sounds weird, but I was looking forward to it. No, not the greasy burgers and over-salted fries, but McDonald's is where all the inside jokes get started. It's almost always a guaranteed good time at McDonald's where everyone grabs some grub and has a laugh. Oh well. I had myself too psyched up for tonight's Youth event, I think.

I'm leading worship on Sunday and I'm so scared. I've never been a singer (not in public, anyway) and so I'm worried I'll wreck the songs or something. Or I'm scared that I'll mess up at some completely peaceful point and make things all awkward. Or if I lead the bad into a wall. Ouch. But I'm trying to prepare myself for it. I don't know how, but I will.

It's quite late. And there's a lot of stuff I must get done tomorrow. ARG! I need to make a list. 'Till then.

//Friday, November 19, 2004

// One Thing

Restless tonight
Cause I wasted the light
Between both these times
I drew a really thin line
It's nothing I planned
And not that I can
But you should be mine
Across that line

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something

I promise I might
Not walk on by
Maybe next time
But not this time

Even though I know
I don't want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something

Even though I know
I don't want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

Even though I know
I don't want to know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something

If I traded it all
If I gave it all away for one thing
Just for one thing
If I sorted it out
If I knew all about this one thing
Wouldn't that be something

I wish I could trade it all, for a hug right now... I always give hugs, and it was so awesome. At this youth confrence in Vancouver these girls at the exit were giving out free hugs! Yeah! Free hugs! I took full advantage and got me a free hug!

It felt so weird! I always give hugs! No one else gives me hugs. Well, I do get hugs... but It was a nice change, really made me feel awesome.

I'd trade it all for a hug....

//Thursday, November 18, 2004

// Simon and Garfunkle really rock my socks.

OMGOSH, SO STOKED FOR PLANET LAZER. I was such a whore with the pamphlets today. I handed them out to like, EVERYBODY. I swear. So yeah. It'll be like the corn maze, only McRoberts instead of Palmer. So we'll probably have a semi-return of the McRoberts Foreign Exchange Student! How rad.

OH GEEZE, OH GEEZE! Annick and I went to look for make-up at the mall today for winter formal, right? And I tried on the dress I wanted to show her, and then we ran into Martina and I totally forgot that Martina works at Jacob! That's where my dress is from! So Martina told me to head to the mall tomorrow at 4:30 and she'll punch in her employee discount AND THEN I'LL GET MY DRESS AT 50% OFF! OH MAN! Plus, we found these awesome shoes at Payless. They were $28 which is pretty good for fancy shoes. They're black and strappy, but not TOO much, and the heel is tall enough for me, and they're thick AND I CAN ACTUALLY WALK IN THEM! EVERYTHING IS WORKING OUT SO WELL AND IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY THAT I CAN'T EVEN BOTHER TO TAKE OFF THE CAPS-LOCK!! WHOA!

Then Post-secondary Night at McRoberts was tonight. My brother, my mom, and I went and it wasn't so bad. I paid attention more so this year than past years. I realized something. SFU is just as good as UBC and probably has a better Journalism program... It's a LOT cheaper... and it's a smaller campus. So many things at SFU are better than UBC, so why do I keep pushing myself to UBC? I would love to get into the Arts One program at UBC, but I wouldn't mind going into Journalism at SFU either. So I think I'm gonna concentrate less on JUST UBC and keep my eyes on both UBC AND SFU. Hurraaaah. This also makes me happy.

MAN. I LOVE Y'ALL RIGHT NOW. YES, SO MUCH THAT I JUST SAID "Y'ALL". Matt, Ben, Brendon, Kelsey, Andrew, Pinto, and even the ever popular Dave that I've rarely ever met or talked to. And of course, anyone else who ever reads this blog... I LOVE ALL YOUSE PEOPLE OUT THERE RIGHT NOW! SO MUCH!

AND THIS IS ME WITHOUT CHOCOLATE, SUGAR, OR COFFEE! AMAZING!!

// Stop The Madness!

Alright... things I never thought that could happen on a blog have happened. Complete chaos. Things have been said that shouldn’t have been said, and I too have had my fair share of sayings.

For this, I apologize.

To clear things up, Kelsey is apart of ranDOMinion , not us. That’s okay now, we don’t mind. There were just past things said that have maid us say the things we have said. So now let us forget this ever happened and move on in our blog life.
Kelsey, we love you! You are always welcome to post comments and visit us! I encourage it! Andrew still does once and a while and HEY! RandomDave posted for the first time in are blog history! Woohoo!

We are alllll coooool....

//Wednesday, November 17, 2004

// I'm an idiot

At this point in time i will make the statement that I am an idiot, and that I make mistakes. But thats ok....because God forgives me. I really really really hurt my girlfriends feelings, like really really really really. IF you guys could be praying for us, her especially, I do not wish to elaborate on what I did. But just know it's something really insensitive, and just not good.
She needs prayer more than I do, just for healing and a heart of forgiveness. I still love her, it's just hard for her to believe me. which really sucks. so yes, if everybody could be praying I would really appreciate it. I will update later i suppose, once she starts talking to me on a regular basis again.
Like I said, I'm an idiot......

// I'm a thoroughbred, that's what she said.

Okay, so Law class is so totally owning right now. We're in the Keyboarding computer lab and we're supposed to be researching notes for our in-class essay outline next class, but pffft. I can do that at home. Anyway, these computers are like eMacs or something? They're Macs and I usually hate Macs, but I'll make an exception. The iTunes is full of rap crap, but there's a couple songs by Hoobastank, Homegrown, and the Eagles, so I'll settle.

I had this post typed up for this blog last night, but then my internet cut out so then I never posted it, but that's all good. I'll post it later when I'm at home and I can get to the post.

Listen to "Unaffected" by Hoobastank. It's pretty good.

So I got mac and cheese for lunch today. So awesome. I'm excited for lunch now. But yes, my mom still packs my lunch for me. Isn't that kinda sad? It's cool though. I know, I'm so completely hopeless. I'm scared for when I have to move out. And I really hope I don't have to. Because if I ever moved out, that would mean I'm in Alberta. Did I ever tell you guys that I had a nightmare once that we were at the Youth Grad Banquet and I had to tell everyone that I was moving to Alberta. I woke up crying.

Speaking of dreams, I had a weird dream last night. I dreamt that a bunch of us went to a swimming pool, but the guy wouldn't let me in? So then I had to sneak in and stuff. But it turned into a video store, but the selection really sucked so we all decided to go swimming instead of renting a movie. Anyway.

//Tuesday, November 16, 2004

// Thank God For Grandmothers

For those who have known me, my family does not like my step mom. My sister, brother, and me (and a couple other relatives too) don’t agree with her, really. Sunday was a horrible reminder of why I miss my mom so much.

Sunday was a day of interesting events. I had gone to bed at 1 in the morning, after watching some crappy movie and I was awake at 6:45, to go pick my sister up. Now, I went to bed at 1, not fall asleep so that is a short amount of sleep. After when I got home, I couldn’t fall back asleep so I played NHL 2004 until I decided to hit the shower. When I got out, my step mom left the house, and thank God. You can tell when she is in a bad mood. You can really tell! Yes, she was in a bad mood. So I waited for my dad to come home and we went to the train show! Yay train show! It actually was not as exciting in past years and I didn’t even buy anything! Shock! I know! So on the way home, I’m falling asleep, and my dad was tired too. We both were like let’s take naps when we get home! So we got home at 3 and I went to bed in my room. At 4 she woke me up saying that I had to re-vacuum or some stupid thing. I was still feeling really bad, and I wasn’t planning on leaving until 5, but we got into a huge argument. Very big.

The fight ended up with me getting called things I prefer not to hear, and was told things I didn’t want to know. Overall, lowering my self esteem. I ran out of the house before she could even look at me and made my way to the church 40 minutes earlier then expected.

On my way to the bus stop, I wanted to fall down and cry. I wanted to give up on life. I wanted out of the scene.

The beginning of church was no help. The large group was more irritating then helpful. After the service I started to sing with the band which was really fun! Like super duper fun!!

Now for reference, I have been told I can sing by mainstage, but I have never really tried in front of the youth group. But people were coming up to me and were like you should sing for us!

Was this just flattery? Or did I actually sing well? That was weird… I’m used to worshiping God, but being a leader? Both Andy and Lalaine were like you should lead.

Well, I’m going to try it out Friday, but it feels like I’m putting someone out of a job. But it was fun, just feels weird.

Nobody except for Petko and Nelly went out for food so whatever. It was a better ending. When I got home, I said Hi to my step mom. Since then, that’s about the only thing I’ve said to her, hi. I’ve been easily avoiding her, and with help from having a granny a couple blocks away, it definitely has been okay.

I really don’t like her…

Today we did our leadership show! That was good times! Really fun! We had some really funny skits and it marked the comeback of the hockey song! Oh yes, the beloved hockey song. So it was really fun. I’m not really a great addition to mainstage though. I never really fit in the crowd, and I always seem to ask myself, “Why Am I Hear?” I don’t really know, but the afternoon was fun, and we’ll be doing it again tomorrow. As for me now, I’m going to my granny’s for dinner, and then drama practice, so hopefully, I won’t see my step mom barely at all! Excellent!

Home is where the heart is? Yeah right… maybe when my Step mom isn’t home…

// How Do We Feel?

There has been much talk on Whatever and ranDOMinion about Kelsey betraying us for ranDOMinion. So I have this story to clear up how we feel. I hope you enjoy…

A few years back there were two minor league hockey team rivals. The two teams didn't exactly hate each other; in fact, many people on the two teams were friends with each other. It's just winning meant a lot to them, and bragging rights were everything. The Blazers were a very experienced team. They had lots of skill but there consistency was not very good. Nonetheless, this was still a dangerous hockey team and they had been around for a while. They had many veterans and great players. They also recently signed a new player which was giving them second line scoring, which helped out the veterans who already had a large work load. The Rockets were no where near as old, and when they first came into the league, they were not the greatest team. However, there rookies started to shine and with a couple trades and adding a few key players the team was on fire. They quickly caught up to the Blazers skill wise, but never would really have that veteran skill. A few months ago they had also signed another rookie. He had great potential and recently had been on a hot steak. There was a point in the season where the Blazers took a dive. There constancy level was very low and the Rockets took full advantage and caught right up to them. After the Blazers regained control of their season, they took the lead in the standings again and it became clear that it was a battle between the Blazers and the Rockets for division title. But then there was a turning point... After the Rockets had a hope of catching the mighty Blazers, an incident changed there hope. A star rookie just came into the league. He was fast, quick, smart, and could handle the ball very well. He was called the next great hockey player. His potential was through the roof. This player also was a free agent. In other words, anyone could have him. The player was first inspired by the Rockets when he first started to play so he first approached the Rockets. The Rockets already had a killer scoring line, but if they added this rookie, they would be unstoppable. The rookie said that he would like to sign with the team and it was settled. They would sign the rookie and he would be apart of the Rockets. However, during the process there were a few problems with the contract. Easy problems that could be fixed, but nevertheless, they were problems. During the process though, The Blazers approached the rookie with a deal that included better conditions and more money. So before the Rockets knew it, their future star player was taken away from them.

The Rockets were robbed of a very talented player, and the rookie was a sell out.

A new season started and The Blazers and the rookie started off with a bang. The rookie was as good as they said and ay team that came up against them had no chance. For the Rockets, things were not as great. There captain was having scoring troubles and the team just wasn’t in its best of time.

The season continued on and when the playoffs came, the Blazers were the top team, and the Rockets were okay, but no where near the top. They faced each other in the first round, and against all odds, The Rockets swept the Blazers and its star rookie 4 games to 0!! The Rockets went on and won the memorial cup, the best revenge you could possibly get.


So what’s the moral of this story and the point I’m trying to make about Kelsey betraying us for ranDOMinion? Well, the Rockets were still a good team, Whatever is still a good blog. Even though she did ditch us, we still have each other, and finally, FINALLY, Brendon is starting to post more! So yes, we may be hurt about this, but let’s not be jealous. Let’s continue on, and make them jealous!

//Monday, November 15, 2004

// The Real Thing

As I sit in front of my computer, trying to figure out what I should write and asking friends for ideas, I stopped to think for a moment. This essay, sorry, composition made me go out of my mind. I couldn’t think of anything. I couldn’t find anything in Fifth Business that related to my life or everyday occurrences. Was I not trying hard enough? Possibly, but this was not the case.

I, myself, am a Christian and have a strong faith, and in the handout we were given, it stated this: “The novel seems to contend that the modern world has largely abandoned faith and metaphor as ways of making sense of ourselves and our world”. This is pretty much true. The majority of the world has given up faith in religion and turned to science. A lot of us don’t believe in religion, and we don’t want to, so if a miracle does happen, we try to prove it that it is not a miracle.

In the novel Fifth Business Ramsay’s brother Willie is very sick. His condition becomes so crucial that his heart stops beating, and Ramsay believe his brother has died. He brought Mrs. Dempster to see if she could help his dead brother, and after she prayed, Willie started to move. A miracle! He came back to life because she prayed for him, so can this be called a miracle of God? Dunstan insisted that it was Mrs. Dempster who brought him back to life, but either way, it was a miracle.

However, how can someone come back to life? Dunstan tells Dr McCausland and he insists that Willie never died at all. He says:

Obviously he was not dead, if he had been dead I would not have been talking to him a few minutes ago. I think you may safely leave it to me to say when people are dead, Dunny. (p. 56-57)

Because this was impossible, he believed this was not true. Many things that were impossible happened in the Bible, so they think that this could not happen. People have a stronger belief in Science because they have an explanation for events. There is a reason for everything. But is there an explanation for Moses walking through the Red Sea? Or when Jesus turned water in to wine? No, so why should people believe this?

Anyways, I have gone a bit off topic. I just wanted to show how faith in science is much more popular then faith in religion, which relates to my following topic.

Show how an accepted fact or assumption is untrue, or how it means something other than what it is conventionally thought to mean. The examples I want to use for this are mainly based on faith in religion, not faith in science.

I could not think of any type of example to use. This had my mind boggled. However, the line that helped me out the most was “…or how it means something other than what it is conventionally thought to mean.” I decided to look for examples that had different meanings hundreds of years ago, and how society has changed there images. Maybe for better, or maybe for worse.

The first thing that popped into my head were hats! Today we use hats to keep our heads warm, dry, and they are also fashion statements. But way back when they didn’t even think of sewage or garbage systems, people would dump all there waste out the window. The odds of someone getting garbage or waste on you was very high, so they wore hats! So something that protects you from garbage developed into a fashionable item. That definitely was not its initial purpose when they first invented the hat, but the change is probably a good thing. I would rather wear a hat for fashion then wear it to protect myself from garbage! That’s pretty disgusting.

As I have explained, today’s world has a stronger belief in science over religion. Because of this, people are not educated on what something really is. For example, the cross. I think this is quite self explanatory, but I will mention it anyway. The cross is what Jesus died on. After being brutally beaten and tortured, Jesus had to carry a large wooden cross to where they would raise it. At the area where they would lift up the cross, they put nails through his hands and feet, so he would hang from the cross. After many hours of torture, he died in the cross, but came back to life. Jesus came back to the earth to show his disciples that he was still alive, and that he was the son of God. He died for one reason. He died for all of us, so that our sins would be forgiven and that we would know him. He died for our sins. Christians use the cross as a symbol. Why would a religions symbol be something that there Messiah died on? Because it wasn’t about Jesus dying, it was about him dying for our sins. Death is one of the biggest sacrifices you can make in life for someone you love. Jesus did that. So we use the cross as a symbol to remind us that Jesus died on the cross for us, because he loves you and me.


Today, the cross is not looked at as a symbol of love. It’s not looked at as something Jesus died on. It’s looked at as jewelry now. I look around at teenagers, adults, and kids who have the cross around there neck. Were they Christians? Small amounts are, but I look at them and see them smoking drugs, and they swear at me. I listen to some of their conversations and they talk about how they just had sex with a girl or a guy last night. Is that someone who represents God? Obviously not. The Bible tells us not to smoke, to drink, to have pre-marital sex. The Bible tells us how to represent him. So people wearing crosses around there necks aren’t really wearing them for the right reason. They are wearing them because maybe their girlfriend said that it looks nice on them or because maybe it makes them look really cool. The cross isn’t a symbol for Christians anymore. People have turned it into jewelry. In the eyes of society the cross is just as good as an earring or necklace. How can this be? How have we turned such an important symbol into just jewelry? What does the cross represent now? For many believers it still means the love of God. For the large majority though it represents jewelry.

What other things have we seemed to forget the real meaning of? Well, there’s always Christmas. Even I must admit that when you first say Christmas the first thing that I think of is a Christmas tree! Second would have to be good old Santa Clause. But is that what Christmas is all about? Of course not, it’s about quality time with family! Again, that’s not the real meaning of Christmas. We seem to always forget this and sometimes don’t even care, but Christmas was the day Jesus was born in the manger in Bethlehem. I’m sure we’ve all seen the story, or at least heard of it, but that means nothing to us. We don’t care about baby Jesus, we care about the presents.

Christmas is indeed a very special holiday, and I’m not saying that the lights, trees, and presents are a bad thing. I love the lights! I love the trees! And I love the presents!! It’s just we don’t want to bring up religion. We’ve seemed to box up the story of baby Jesus and gift wrapped it with A Charlie Brown Christmas. We have changed the image of Christmas a lot. There never used to be Santa Clause and there never used to be the lights. A lot of stuff is made for the soul purpose of companies getting extra money during the Christmas holiday. Christmas is a great holiday, but people seem to have ignored the real Christmas story. The real purpose of Christmas.

Another example that could be used is Easter. Easter is a holiday that was to remember Jesus dying on the cross, and now somehow there is an Easter bunny that represents the holiday? Again, we’ve covered over the real meaning of the holiday. You could say it’s like that for even non-religious holidays, but it’s not. We know the purpose of Remembrance Day. It’s a day where we honour those who fought and died for us in the wars.

Again, if it has to do with religion, we try to cover up the real meaning.

I’m sure there are many more examples that I haven’t even thought of. We could go into Natives and totem poles, but I don’t have enough knowledge to explain its original meaning. Totem poles today are looked at as art pieces, but are they? How do we know they don’t have some spiritual meaning? There are thousands, millions, billions of things that mean something other than what it is conventionally thought to mean. I probably will never know the majority of those things.

For now, people will believe what they want to believe. I believe there are miracles, that the cross is a symbol of God’s love, and that Christmas will always be about Jesus. I will always believe in my God, and I will always trust in my God.

//Saturday, November 13, 2004

// Breathe in for luck.

Hands down, this is the best day I can ever remember
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
The dim of the soft lights, The scent of your hair
That you twirled in your fingers
And the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
And this walk that we shared together
The streets were wet and the gate was locked
So I jumped it, and let you in.

You know what I just realized? Tennis is a tricky sport. It's harder than it looks. The racquet is so friggin' sensitive that if you didn't swing, the ball would just bounce off and go all the way back over. That plus the footwork of running around as fast as you can to both sides of the court is extreme hard. Then there's all the fancy stuff you learn how to do later on, like putting different kinds of spin onto the ball to make it go a certain direction. Even though it's such a complicated sport... I like it!

Long story short, yes as you can probabaly guess, I played Tennis today. I ended up biking over to a friend's place and played Tennis for about 4 hours... crazy. You know what? I think i'm actually going to try out for my school's Tennis Team. Hah

My parents were both working, so by the time I finished up, I had to bike home by myself. You'd have thought that I would be whining and such, but I actually enjoyed it. Everything was just so peaceful, the streets were empty except for the occasional car streaming past. The streets were wet, and the cold air hit my face and for a moment I was carefree. No worries, no nothing. That was a great feeling, a feeling I havn't felt in a long time. It's hard to believe that so little could affect so much. Such a simple little gesture, or almost non-existant detail. Gliding past the dark houses with only a few lights on, watching a stray dog cross the street, a car zoom by, a stranger standing on the street, none of which noticed me, all of which were going along with their busy lives. It didn't matter, for a moment I was free. It felt great, and I felt as if I could fly and I wanted that feeling to last forever, I wished that I could freeze time, rewind and relive it.

// I Need Some Help!!!!!!

Okay, I have this composition I need to do and I'm a little stuck for ideas. Help would be nice! Here is our handout...


Fifth Business
Composition Ideas


Fifth Business presents a world in which faith and metaphor are as important as knowledge and fact.

The novel seems to contend that the modern world has largely abandoned faith and metaphor as ways of making sense of ourselves and our world. We no longer believe in miracles. We no longer believe in saints. We no longer seek metaphors to describe our relationship with the world and with other people.

Of the Mexican peasants who have come to petition the Virgin Mary at the basilica at Guadalupe, Ramsay says:

They were untouched by modern education, but their government was striving with and main to procure this inestimable benefit for them; anticlericalism and American bustle would soon free them from belief in miracles and holy likeness. But where, I ask myself will mercy and divine compassion come from then? Or are such things unnecessary to people who are well fed and know the wonders concealed inside an atom? (p.199)

But does anyone really “know the wonders concealed inside an atom?”

Ramsay suggests that science itself may be based on faith. At least he uses the languages of religion when Dr. McCausland “catechizes” Dunny after Willie’s death. Science seems to have the dogma of institutionalized religion without the sense of wonder. To “know” a “wonder” is to cease to wonder. Ur faith in science, ironically, quashes faith in magic.

Yet if faith in science has replaced our faith in religion, perhaps then too old icons and old metaphors have been replaced with new ones.

An icon is something that represents a belief, as the Virgin Mary does. What icons have we in our society today?

What ideal does a Barbie doll represent? A BMW? A university diploma? What faith does it imply? Who is Madonna? (Hey, Why’d she choose that name?) Why the public interest in the Scott Peterson trial? Or some other articles of faith: What’s an atom? How do you know they exist? What’s Einstein’s Theory of Relativity? How about Darwin’s theory of Evolution by Natural Selection? Non-Euclidian Geometry? Warp speed? Can you name a scientific truth?

Do you know anyone who believes in UFO’s? Psychics? Ghosts? Ouija boards? Past lives?

What does marriage mean? What’s a family? What’s a right?

How do you know?

Is Star Trek a mythic idea of the future? An ideal view of the present? Is Married, With Children a mythic view of anything? What does it say about us?

If we have machines to do all our work for us, will we have jobs? Will we have livelihoods? Will we have meaning?

Is technology good? Is it meaningful to ascribe moral qualities to technology?

Your Composition

Show how an accepted fact or assumption is untrue, or how it means something other than what it is conventionally thought to mean.

Or

Show how something obviously not literaly true reveals or represents some truth.

Form

DO NOT write an expository five paragraph essay.
Do not write an expository five paragraph essay.
Do not… get the point???

Try something else original, interesting, chancy, out on a limb.

Narrative (story or anecdote)
Descriptive (illustration and images)
And/or Persuasion (grab your readers – figuratively speaking of course.)

Remember to be humble. Laugh at yourself. Laugh at your ignorance, and at everyone else’s. Perhaps not mine.
Well, maybe even mine.

Most of all make this something that means something to you. Whatever that may be.



.....Yeah, confused me! What I’m thinking about writing about is how people look at the cross now as just jewelry, not actually something that was used to kill Jesus. Another thing I want to talk about is Christmas, and how we have destroyed and buried the real meaning of it. I’ll probably talk about the differences of the big boom and God actually creating the earth himself.

But I need some ideas! I’m a little lost! Please help me out!

//Friday, November 12, 2004

// MMM MMM Good.

Well I'm exhausted after an extremely long day. I Basically haven't been in school since Tuesday because on Tuesday last block I had to take part in the Remembrance Day Rehearsal, and then Wednesday was Remembrance Day itself. Trippy, I played in the band so It was like going back in time and replaying the whole thing again and again presenting it for a different audience each time. Friday however, proved yet to be another interesting day.

Even after watching ' Supersize Me ' the whole Youth gang headed out to Mcdonalds... It actually wasn't so bad. Except for the fact that Nick and I ended up sprinting as fast as we could to Mcdonalds in a weak attempt to race Matt to Mcdonalds... which we failed miserably. After about 10 minutes of trying to dry off, we all sat down to a good hardy McD Meal. It's hard to imagine the food that we eat so often that tastes so good is actually life threatening.

Ah well there's RPC Youth for you. Stares danger RIGHT in the eyes, and by danger I mean obesity. If that makes any sense at all...

//Thursday, November 11, 2004

// Nothing's ever gonna happen around here.

Tomorrow is proving to be an interesting day already.

I take Writing but Ms. Ediger has decided that anytime Writing lands on a Friday (Which it does tomorrow.), it is considered a "free block". It's supposed to give us in-school writing time. But we all know that just means another spare. That comes first block and second block happens to be, TA DA! My actual spare block. So that's two spare blocks in a row! Which means I don't have to be at school 'till 11 AM! Or so I thought. I almost forgot that I have that National Arts Orchestra workshop field trip with the Concert Band class. Bah. But hey, the trip is from 9:45 AM 'till 2:45 AM. So I'm there for a spare block, off on the trip, and then return five minutes before school ends. Which I guess isn't so bad, except I'm not the most stoked on playing with a bunch of new people and have some pretentious conductor insult my skills (or lack thereof). I'll survive. After school, I have rehearsal for Oliver. FINALLY. I look forward to it.

Anyway, I'm really just bored. Nothing interesting has happened all day, 'cept I spent a long time at the mall and at the fabric shop looking up stuff for my Winter Formal dress. Guh.

// And I start scaring myself.

Saturday morning,
Who's gonna play with me?
Six in the morning, baby,
I got a long, long day ahead of me.

The parents are sleeping soundly,
The neighbors are dead as wood.
I'm getting up and coming over,
We gotta rock the neighborhood.

Nothing's ever gonna happen around here
If we don't make it happen .
Sleep away the day if you want to,
But I got something that I gotta do.

It's Saturday Morning,
And this ain't the place for me.
I'm giving you warning, baby,
We got a whole big, fat, world to see.

Saturday Morning - The Eels.

On any day that isn't a school day or a Sunday, I always think of this song. Because only so much can happen in Richmond. Live shows don't come around very often and it's not like we always have cash to watch movies and whatnot. And it's so true. We usually always end up at Matt and Nick's house and they pretty much have no neighbours. And their 'rents don't really care if we jam or hang out in the garage, so long as it's not past 10 PM (I learned this tonight.) and there are no drugs or alcohol (Psssh. Like we'd be doing that.) on the premesis. So yeah, there's no school tomorrow because of Rememberance Day and I think we might be going thriftin'. Which is cool because we haven't gone in ages. Anyway, we'll figure that out tomorrow morning.

Tonight was the first time I'd be carefree in a long time.

I went to Prayer tonight and that was cool because Pastor Andy got us to write all our prayers down on a slip of paper and put it in the "Calgary Flames safety helmet". Then we passed the thing around and everyone drew out a slip of paper and prayed for that person. My brother got my slip and I almost cried. Because I wrote down that I wanted to find a new home for my family, and my brother understands what I mean. It's not that I'm ungrateful for where we're living now, but... it's complicated. But yeah, one of my other prayers was to bring back my bestfriend (No duh.) because he hasn't been coming to church as often. And guess who shows up right at the end of prayer? I know. It's crazy. But God works in interesting ways.

Anyway, we jammed at Matt and Nick's place for awhile and then later on, people started to leave. Then we were left with the JC plus little brother so we all headed to McDonald's. Ahh. That was fabulous. Bestfriends, brothers, and prints of Tupac and John Lennon. Also another long story. But yes, the food was good. Gross, because of Dyllan's exagerrated bites and descriptions, but still good.

Ahhh.

//Tuesday, November 09, 2004

// OK.

Guess who's back,
Back again,
Brendon's back,
Tell a friend.

Okay, I'm going to try to find some time and post more often :D so take that! ( Whoever voted to kick me out ). Just wait and see... I'll take over the Blog! Muahahaha... Okay, I'll shut up now.

"Would You Do Me A Favour?"
"Yeah sure budy"
"Tell My Parents that I fought Good Today, Tell The That I Fought Hard..."

//Thursday, November 04, 2004

// Something More.

Augustine just woke up with a broken heart
All this time he's never been awake before
At 31 his whole world is a question mark
All this time he's never been awake before

Watching dreams that he once had
Feed the flame inside his head
In a quiet desperation of the emptiness
He says

Theres gotta be something more
Than what I'm living for
I'm crying out to you
I'm crying out to you

Augustine all his fears keep falling out
All this time he's never been awake before
Finding out his old dreams aren't panning out
All this time he's never been awake before

But he's mad to be alive
And he's dying to be met
In a quiet desperation of the emptiness
He says

Something more

Hey, I give it all away
Nothing I was holding back remains
Hey, I give it all away
Looking for the grace of God today

Theres gotta be something more
Than what I'm living for
I'm crying out to you
I'm crying out to you


Theres gotta be something more
Than what I'm living for
I'm crying out to you
I'm crying out to you


AI YA. It's only about 2 months into the school year and I'm already starting to fall back. Sometimes I just feel like dropping everything, yet I'm always the one who ends up worrying about all the little things. The little things which add up and drive me crazy. Nowadays I'm either mellow ( not really caring ) or I'm upset. At this age, it's probabaly kind of obvious what I'd be upset about so I'm not going to bore you with that. I just wish all these problems would solve themselves instead...

//Wednesday, November 03, 2004

// "That is the magic of Christmukkah!"

I AM HAPPY! My mom and I went to Save-On-Foods and cookie dough mix was on sale. So I am making cookies soon. Not tonight, but like soon. Tomorrow. TOMORROW. WHICH IS ALSO THE SEASON 2 PREMIERE OF THE OC! SO MAYBE I WILL MAKE COOKIES FOR MY OC PARTY! Yes... a party of one. But anyway, I AM SO EXCITED!!

So yeah, I'm the stage manager now for the spring musical, which is OLIVER! and I am so excited. Ms. McCarthy, the drama teacher/director, gave me a copy of the script today and gave me a bunch of stage manager jobs to do and it is SO COOL. I'm like, in charge of the cast and everything. But yeah, I spent the longest time today writing up the blocking charts and page/scene breakdowns today and MAN. I can't wait to photocopy these and post them up on the board. They just look so RAD. But I think I'm getting over excited about it. ANYWAY!

Winter Formal invitations got handed out today. They look pretty cool, but at the same time, they're super cheesy. But anyway, I need to find something to wear. And I need to talk to Annick about getting my hair and make-up done. Which really weirds me out. And I'm still debating: should I get dress pants and a nice top or just get a dress? Pants and a top would be considerably easier to find... Hmm. But yes, trying to decide and I must decide soon because it's a month off and that's not very much time. BUT OMG, LIKE REALLY!!

I'm just really hopped up on sugar today. It's strange because I've had zero candy or chocolate today. And I had a LOAD on Halloween, but I wasn't even that excited then. Hmm.

//Tuesday, November 02, 2004

// The Beauty of It All

It really is an awesome sight... Something that beautiful combined with Nature's beauty, it's just really an awesome sight... wow... it's so amazing that God created this land, just like that. He just said the word and there it was... yet it takes 6 months to make us in our mother's womb... Wow... how cool is that...

If by now you still have no clue what I'm talking about, take a wild guess. Yes, trains...

I just watched a video on the 2816 and its first run back in action from Vancouver to Calgary. The picture I have in the mini poll is at Morant's curve. It really is an awesome sight. I know God didn't create the steam engine (just the people who made it) but look at the background. God made the mountains, the trees, the sky....... Wow... trains really bring out the beauty of it, hehehe.

It was so awesome, they went through Kamloops and I was like WHOA! I've been there! I know where we are! Apparently it might be going up to through Kamloops May long weekend, or sometime before. You know what I'm thinking... ROAD TRIP! Muhahaha!

//Monday, November 01, 2004

// I am the walrus.

I am he, as you are he, as you are me, and we are all together.
See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly.
I’m crying.

Sitting on a corn flake, waiting for the van to come.
Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday.
Man, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus! Goo goo g'joob.

Mister city policeman sitting, pretty little policemen in a row.
See how they fly like Lucy in the sky, see how they run.
I'm crying, I'm crying.
I'm crying, I'm crying.

Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog’s eye.
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,
Boy, you been a naughty girl you let your knickers down.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus! Goo goo g'joob.

Sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun.
If the sun don't come, you get a tan,
From standing in the English rain.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus! Goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob.

Expert textpert choking smokers,
Don't you thing the joker laughs at you?
See how they smile like pigs in a sty,
See how they snied.
I'm crying.

Semolina pilchard, climbing up the eiffel tower.
Elementary penguin singing hari krishna.
Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allen Poe.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen.
I am the walrus!
Goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob!
Goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob g'goo!


I'd completely forgotten how greatly amusing this song was until Dyllan mentioned it on Friday night. Anyhow, this is the first of a two-part Beatles presentation series. As in, there are two songs by the Beatles that I've been listening to non-stop for the past four days. I reccommend these songs because they are wonderfully fantastic and you should all hear them.

I am SOFREAKIN'EXCITED. Why? Because the season 2 premiere of The OC is on Thursday. NOVEMBER 4TH. Man, I've missed seeing my devastatingly handsome Seth Cohen every week. I cried in the last episode when he was like, "Well Summer, that would've required you to actually speak to me." *tear* Anyway, my brother was watching The Ring yesterday and you know what I realized? ADAM BRODY (who plays Seth) WAS IN THAT MOVIE! He was the guy at the funeral who talked about the "curse". So yes, that was an interesting tidbit. Anyway, remember that date. November 4th is the premiere.

'Till then, I am the walrus.

// I'm Out

Jesse. He was just a kid
Frank. He was old enough
Jesse. Nah, he was just a boy riding with the most famous outlaws in the west, Frank. How's he suposed to say no to that?
Frank. Railroad burnt him out too, you couldn't stop him.
Jesse. ...A war against the railroad. What the hell was I thinkin'?
Frank. Well I'm sure it seemed like a good idea at the time.

(Next Scene. Jesse informs his cousin him and his brother are quiting the gang)

Jesse. I'm out
Cole. You're out?... We ride for a year and our blood gets spilt and you're just gonna quit?
Jesse. Who's next Cole? You? Me? Bob?
Clo. We can't exactly go back you our lives Jesse
Jesse. I aint tellin' you what to do Clo. You wanna keep ridin' with Cole that's fine by me.
Bob. Frank?
Frank. (nods head)
Cole. Well... go on, get the hell outta here then. Don't comeback when you find you can't fire with a six gun.
(the cousins embrace and go their own ways)

(Next scene, Jesse returns to his girlfriend, Zee)

Zee. Jesse? What are you thinkin'? There are bounty hunters all over here!
Jesse. Well I had to see you, I'm gettin' married
Zee. I don't understand...
Jesse. Well, she's the most beautiful women in the world. I can't stop thinkin' about her.....
(pause)
Zee... look, I've quit my outlaw ways. (Jesse puts hand out) Come live in my home, and in my heart. Be my wife.

(she takes his hand and they kiss)

Zee. Yes....