//Saturday, July 30, 2005

// Welcome to existence.

Dyllan called me yesterday while I was at the mall. Turns out, his sister had just gone into labour. I haven't talked to him since youth last night, so I haven't been updated as to whether she's had the baby yet or not. But it got me thinking.

Bringing a baby into this world is such a dangerous thing. You're setting into motion an entire lifetime's worth of joy, anguish, trouble, love, possibility, potential, happiness, desire, drive... everything that you could ever experience in a lifetime. Even from the second the baby is conceived in the womb, God's already put into place a million little details for the journey ahead. Imagine. From the second, the SECOND you were conceived, He knew everything. Wow. It just amazes me to no end.

Anyway, when Dyllan told me, I decided I was going to get something for the new baby right away. I ended up buying a three piece body suit set from Old Navy, but I think I'm going to return it and get something better. I'm indecisive like that. AH. So excited!

//Friday, July 29, 2005

// Playing The Blame Game

For your own help, Bob Goodenow represented the players in the NHL lockout.

Cam Cole
Vancouver Sun

July 29, 2005

OTTAWA - The players, to their everlasting shame, didn't hear the train coming until it was on top of them. They should have, but they were deafened by their own rhetoric. And then, there was no time to run and it was far too late to call lying in a fetal position an act of goodwill.

They were, as anyone could see, flattened.

Whom should they blame, then, if not themselves? Why, Bob Goodenow, of course.

Hey, it beats looking in the mirror.

Clearly, the man who led them first of all to riches beyond logic -- who convinced them that the owners were liars and that the game wasn't really losing money -- whose cocksure, know-it-all personality rubbed off on hockey's once-beloved players, fostering a sense of entitlement so infuriating that their fans hardly knew them any more -- had to go.

Whether he jumped or was pushed -- and reading between the lines Thursday, it was the latter -- the fact that Goodenow's departure came within seven days of the union's ratification of a collective bargaining agreement he could not possibly have supported adds a bit of poetry to the end of hockey's darkest year.

Poetry, in the sense that Goodenow went into these negotiations vowing that the players would never agree to a salary cap on his watch, and came out signing his name to that very thing.

A man of honour could not stay.

"What happened, following negotiations and ratification, was I sat down with the executive committee, and the decision was made that it would be best if the transition were made now rather than in the future," said Goodenow. "We just accelerated the process."

Thursday was not the time for recriminations, anyway.

It was an opportunity for Ted Saskin, Goodenow's longtime lieutenant and now successor, to pay tribute to the Michigan lawyer's hard work and dedication to the players' cause.

He'd get no argument from anyone, even his boss's fiercest critics, on that characterization.

Goodenow led the only way he knew how: with his chin out and his fists up.

It wasn't a style that was going to sit well through the next six years, when the mandate of the players and owners is to work together to build the business, each needing the other equally.

Goodenow was not cut out for co-operation. He was a work-against guy.

The most surprising moment of the afternoon came when Goodenow, whose detractors always felt had all the humanity of an eel, let down his guard and teared up when someone asked him about being left out of the latter stages of negotiation. It was known to most of the hockey writers, but Goodenow hadn't wanted it reported, that his mother died virtually as the lockout was ending.

Saskin's mother had died earlier in the negotiations. It was a human side neither man wanted to show, so when Goodenow briefly broke down in mid-thought yesterday, Saskin leaped in to finish his former boss's sentence -- a pretty good metaphor for what must take place now, over the six-year term of the CBA. Saskin must finish Goodenow's sentence and try to make chicken salad out of, well, what the players had thrust upon them.

But it wasn't just the end result that made Thursday's move necessary.

Goodenow had to go because he had looked at a blackened sky for three years, and called it sunshine. He had to go because he had lost all perspective, in his quest for every last dollar that could be squeezed from a broken system. He had to go because he never once acknowledged that a well-managed hockey operation in a devoted NHL market had a right to live, if it couldn't make money.

He had to go because his personal mission -- to make The Man pay through the nose, forever, for the duplicity of his NHLPA predecessor, Alan Eagleson -- had long ago been realized in full, only he couldn't see it.

He had successfully moved the pendulum all the way from an era of owners as plantation bosses and players as serfs to an era of outlandish player compensation in which owners, who provided the capital, were the only ones not making money. But it wasn't enough. He was blind to the very possibility that a league paying a $1.8-million average salary without significant television revenue might be out of touch with reality.

But mainly, Bob Goodenow had to go because those around him finally came to see what he could not, and took over the reins. In the end, they rejected his message.

The figures that the Arthur Levitt report produced last year, at the NHL's behest -- figures the union spent months denouncing as wildly inaccurate and untrustworthy, came to be accepted as largely factual. The salary cap came to pass. Not only that, the players themselves came to propose linkage between salaries and league revenues, another Goodenow never-never.

The 24-per-cent salary rollback, Goodenow's December throw-in meant to call the owners' bluff and get them to come off their insistence on a cap and linkage, was a foot in the door the NHL never relinquished. In the end, Gary Bettman's owners got the cap, linkage, two-way arbitration and the 24 per cent. The players got a $450,000 minimum salary and earlier free agency. Small beer, that.

So within a few days of their ratification vote last Thursday, the union's executive committee decided not to wait for Goodenow's $2.5-million-a-year contract to expire midway through this CBA. The players bit the bullet and bought him out, the same way NHL teams are buying out high-end, older players they can no longer afford under the cap.

The very players he made wealthiest are now dinosaurs, and so is he.

In the NHL's new world, the only fighting allowed is on the ice. That's no place for Bob Goodenow.

//Sunday, July 24, 2005

// Your Opinion Matters

I am trying to find a new name for my future editing company and I'm not satisfied with 'Robson Film Productions.' In my mini poll are some of my ideas and others ideas for a new name. Sugest some new ones if you like and leave your comments! Thanks!

// Running down jagged streets.

I'm lifting you up,
I'm letting you down,
I'm dancing til dawn,
I'm fooling around,
I'm not giving up,
I'm making your love.
This city's made us crazy and we must get out.
There's only so much I can do for you,
After all of the things you put me through.


Maroon 5 - "Must Get Out

I feel so all over the place. Kind of like I'm homeless. Roaming. I'm not quite sure what it is. I think I'm restless, is all. Life is going so fast and I've got the means to do things I never could before, but I'm not doing them. Why? I could be traveling somewhere, but here I am. I could be moving out, but I'm not. I could be insanely happy, but I'm just kind of holding back. Why is that? I'm happy where I am, but I know I could be a lot happier if I'd only put thought into action. Thought into action. That's pretty hard sometimes. Just willing yourself to get out of bed is a battle when your body is tired beyond max.

I kind of wish life would just pause for a second while I sorted things out. But it doesn't always work that way, so you just gotta roll with the punches. And I'm trying my best to do that. I think what I need is a new start. Not a new start where I ditched old friends and move to a new city, no. I couldn't deal with that right now. I think what I want is a clean slate to start over with. But that doesn't work either.

I guess I just gotta learn how to be happy with missing out on certain things. I keep reminding myself that times move on, people grow up (and eventually old), things change. I'm liking the idea of change, but how much change until it's too much? I don't know but I'll have to find out.

I'm not depressed or anything. I'm just in a very contemplative mood lately. These kind of things happen when I'm left to overanalyze things. I'm just glad I'm able to wake up every morning to a new day.

P.S. In other news, I went shopping for four hours today. It made me ridiculous happy. Which is weird because I don't usually buy so much. Anyway. I visited Dom at work later on and she took her break and we talked and it was amusing. ALSO. ALSO. The show at West tonight was FANTASTIC. I am so in love with John. That boy is so amusing. YAY FOR POLKA DOTS AND ROCK N' ROLL.

//Friday, July 22, 2005

// It's About Time!

Finally, hockey is coming back. That took way too long, stupid people I tell you. Whose to blame for all of this? I guess you can blame the players, but who doesn't like money? Whatever, its back!

//Wednesday, July 20, 2005

// Yes It's True

Speedy Reidy is sick and terminally ill. I have at the most maybe one more ride with her which will be to work. I would love a co pilot but I don't think that will work out. My dad is going to try to get me a car at the auto auction so I can only pray he gets one. I am not in a position to not have a car. You may say "what a whiner, he can walk or bus." I work in White Rock, and my location could change as well. A car in my life is mandatory, not just pleasure anymore.

I really love Speedy. I am really sad. Is it normal for me to be very sad right now? Honestly I'm going to break out in tears! I don't want to say good bye, not ever.

Its such a shame for us to part.

// Is It Still Summer?

So I'm at work and I stop and think. Is it still summer? I mean, here I am at work when I could be swimming or hanging out with friends. That is what summer is to me! I should be sleeping in! I'm not doing any of these things! Therefore it can not be summer!

Well the calendar says it is, but I made a mistake! After all these years of calling it summer, I forgot to add in summer break. I have entered "the real world" and in this world there are no more summer breaks! I can't believe it! My couple weeks in June and July were my last summer break! Last year was my last summer break! Wow, I didn't see that one coming. I'll never have a summer break again.

I now know the true meaning of a weekend. I used to think the weekend was too short when I was in school... I still think that. LEGALIZE THE THREE DAY WEEKEND!

//Tuesday, July 19, 2005

// Wish I Weren't Here

Today I should be celebrating my mothers birthday with family. Instead we sit around the television as we watch what used to be the Robson family. As I watch the video, I look at myself, not a care in the world. I wish I could go back to that time...

Now I sit here wondering how I'm going to make it through the week. I'm extremely exhausted, extremely frustrated, and extremely confused. I have entered the real world. "You'll be fine" they say, "hang in there" others tell me. Bah, shut up! I don't need your pity. I feel like destroying everything and anything.

I've started full time work, which I can't really complain about. People go to work. Its hard work nonetheless. None of you would make it for a day. Well, some of you. Your in the hot sun all day doing repetitive work and you think I'd rather not be here. Then you think, time sure goes faster here then white spot. I guess work isn't so bad. Oh wait! That's right I have two jobs! Fun! Well I guess I'll see how well I'll do Thur when I get off work only to go back to work.

Speedy Reidy is in his last days, and all I need right now is a dead car, especially since I need to get to work out in White Rock. I wish I was like Andrew... Getting in a car crash, I'd like that. Get some money for my car, maybe break an arm and get thousands of dollars for suffering.

I have officially applied for the railway conductor course and I am now banking on this to start my life. The entire process of waiting and what not is going to be annoying and I just want to know I'm for sure in. In a way I feel I have let myself down, after telling everyone I'm going to bible college, and now I'm working on the railway. Not forever, infact this will give me a chance to maybe take some editing and film courses. My life has endless possibilities, but I feel as though I've let myself down... Stray away from my real goal.

I have isolated myself from people again. As I've mention before I want to destroy stuff, so I'm just staying out of people's lives. It's not like I'm doing this on purpose. You can still talk to me and what not, but nobody chooses to do so therefore its not my complete fault for not talking to people since they don't talk to me.

I'm very proud of myself, there is a nice controversy going around in the church and I'm the match to the fire, with help from others. It has to do with Galiano and it is a complicated story, but I know that I've done nothing wrong, and that people are overreacting, and we still did what we wanted to do. I laugh. Muhaha! Very satisfying. Even saying that it doesn't make life any happier for me. Church just seems to be throwing me more problems as I go. I am actually very angry now that I'm finding out Splashdown is on Friday, instead of what I originally hear was Saturday. Yes, that makes me furious. "Where were you matt?" they'll ask. I HAVE A FRICKEN LIFE NOW! I have responsibilities that I can not handle. I have expensive to pay that I can not pay. I don't know what to do.

I guess I'll continue on with life. School will come around and that will make everything better... Until then I'll lead this life that I don't look forward to waking up to, mainly because I like to wake up at 11 am, not 7.

Raise the white flag

// Kiss the chicken.

Well, here's the thing. I had a radical time at Pre-Teen Camp and I totally would've posted about it earlier. Y'know, if my dad hadn't gotten bored while I was away and decided to rebuild my ENTIRE COMPUTER. So that took a couple days to get things back on track and back to normal. I only got back online last night. How sad. ANYWAYS. You know you're addicted to the computer WHEN...

"Kiss the chicken, kiss the chicken..."
"No one look! It's dark! No one saw! SOMEONE HELP HER!"
"If I had a little white box to put my girlfriend in..."
"Hey Ugly-Ugly, what are you doing standing up?"
"FLAME ON!"
"But my lips hurt real bad!"
"I totally thought it was a rice cooker."
"WHAT?! I'M CHINESE?!"
"What is this? Girls' night out?"
"Old man strength beats young guy power."


But really. Pre-Teen was so awesome. Even though it wasn't a camp for me and I had to work, it was just amazing to be able to get to know some of the kids from our church and some from other groups and to be able to pray with them. It was facinating watching these kids cry, pray, become saved, confess everything, and then get up and pray with another random kid that they'd never met before in their life. These kids are like, ages 9 to 13. I know that at that age, I would never have had the guts to pray with a total stranger. But these kids are gutsy. It was also the first time I'd prayed using tongues and it was absolutely insane. The messages were awesome too. They were directed for the campers, but I felt that even as a counsellor, some of the messages were good reminders for myself. Gotta go back to basics, y'know?

Anyway, besides the spiritual stuff, the rest of camp was awesome. Sure, it was my first time counselling and I had the biggest girls cabin (TEN GIRLS.) but it was so much fun! Eight of the girls in the ten were from RPC, so I already knew their names, which made things a lot easier. I grew a lot closer to a lot of them which made me happy. Also, Emily and I performed a skit/dance lesson in the style of Napoleon Dynamite for the talent show. So freakin' funny. We couldn't stop laughing afterwards. Also, Nick broke my toe. Not really. I went to the doctor's and he says I've got bronchitis and probably a very, very small hairline fracture in my baby toe. It's a complicated story. Ask Nick. He has more fun telling it. ALSO, I was on the four-way swing and my pants came off. Don't ask. Chris tried to stop the swing, so the swing stopped, my pants stopped, I didn't... it was complicated. But it was funny 'cause I'm a bit of an exhibitionist and I'm not a huge friend of embarassment. So bad combination, but at least it made for good laughs.

We got back on Saturday morning and then I went out that night too. I headed out to the show at West were Sam's band was playing (who, by the way, pretty melted my face off). Then I worked on Sunday, Monday, and today. So I haven't really gotten a chance to seriously rest. My muscles are still stiff. Ow.

But really. It was just so amusing.

// Historymaker

Still the best rocking song they have, thats for sure

//Sunday, July 17, 2005

// Long Time No Write

Hello everyone! I'm back from an Island called Galiano and sorry for not posting! I thought at least maybe some of our members could have posted, maybe told us a bit about pre teen camp? Guess not, well here we go, I've got to tell you a lot of stuff!
Lets start with last Tuesday...


Tuesday's Events
This link pretty much explains it, so download the video!

The day Dyllan, Sam, and Matt did some insane stuff

All I will say was that it was TONS of fun, and I got my dad's car up to 130km; never gone that fast before! Muhahaha! Was insanly fun!

Galiano Island Trip!

Was good times at some points, others it wasn't, but we made the best of it. We did lots of stuff and it was fun! I'm tired right now so i'll just post what I think is the best picture we have. I'll post my top ones later.

Truly was a good time.

//Saturday, July 09, 2005

// Quest Narrows Down

Here are you finalists!

"Vindicated" by Dashboard Confessional
"Rain Down" by Delirious?
"Superman" by Five for Fighting
"Vertigo" by U2
"Beautiful Day" by U2
"With or Without You" by U2
"Time of Your Life" by Green Day
"Stairway to Heaven" by Led Zeppelin

We will continue in a couple days as soon as I get it up... Go U2! Poor BNL...

//Friday, July 08, 2005

// Score

Tonight was nice, at least for a work night. We got are pay cheques today and I'm thinking I'm making $150 right? I get this cheque for $250! For some unkown reason, I got a bonus of $108... and nobody else got this bonus... so whats up? No arguing for me! I'll take it!

I get 16% of 230 for commision which is... about $35, and I got a free PS2 game! Woohoo! That rocked. It is MVP Baseball 2005, the one that I am in! The GM went to EA with me so he gave it to me for free, was pretty awesome! On top of that fireworks were very entertaining! A farely good night I should say!

//Thursday, July 07, 2005

// For Those Who Care

Work is putting up fireworks and they aren't that bad. If you want a good excuse for coming to see me at work this is gold.
Nat Bailey Stadium
Game time 7pm

Should be fun!

//Tuesday, July 05, 2005

// WWJD?

Let me share just one of the problems I'm having; my future. ADVICE WOULD BE GREAT! Here is my background. I want to go to Summit Pacific college, however my father is very against it. With no support from my dad my chances of going to Summit are low, because I have no financial support. He wants me to get into the railroad which I don't want to do, but I would still enjoy the job. So here are my options...

Stick with my original plan; work this year full time somewhere and head to Summit the next year. So it would take me a year to get to Summit with maybe enough money for 2 years? I'm not sure.

Here's what I am now considering which would make my dad so much happier. Go to BCIT and take a conductor course where in April I would be hired onto the railroad making very VERY good money. Saving up for Summit would be so much easier and my dad would be proud of me! I would love to work on the railway, but my entire life it feels like I've "copied" my brother. It feels like I'm getting a job on the railway just because my brother has. Getting to Summit would take 2 years, maybe 3. However, no loans, and lots of extra cash!

What should I do?

// The Scientist

Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you, tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets, and ask me your questions
Oh lets go back to the start
Running in circles, coming up tails
Heads on a silence apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Aww take me back to the start

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
I'm goin' back to the start

Ahhooooooooooooooooo
Ahhooooooooooooooooo
Ahhooooooooooooooooo
Ahhooooooooooooooooo

// No Title

I'm worried. Life is getting me worried and usually i don't worry this much but i'm rather worried. It seems as if I am happy but at church and with friends and fake a smile as if nothing were wrong.

There are a couple things wrong with life and I frankly don't know what to do about it. I'm a little lost I would say. How to help? I don't really know, prayer would be great. Maybe a go matt? Whatever works, one problem to deal with a day. Actually two, one repeating problem and whatever comes my way for the day. I look at some people at think "man, they've got it made... why can't life be that easy for me?"

Why can't life be that easy for me? I'm out of high school now! Whoopy doo! I have no entered the real world and with that now comes real problems, ones you can't walk away from.

//Monday, July 04, 2005

// Hands down.

I know it's summer, but it doesn't quite feel like it yet. I was so carefree last summer. This year's kind of off. I guess it's because I'm working every weekday, but you know how it is.

I've tried posting here like, three times in the last four days, but every single time, I get sidetracked either because I realized I have nothing of real importance to say or I completely forgot what it was I wanted to say. I think I'm posting just for the sake of posting. Isn't that sad? I think it is. I'm not sure, really.

//Saturday, July 02, 2005

// I Am Wearing Eye Shadow

Well, not entirely true. I don't have eye shadow on, but after an intensive day of rail travel with crap flying into my eyes, it definitely looks like it. I have to say I look pretty hot with eye shadow on!

It definitely has been an interesting, exciting, intense past couple days. I am exhausted. Let me start from July 1st... I watched the Steveston parade with Jasmine and Nicole. I woke up at 7:45 and that was way to early for me! Anywho, off to the greyhound stadium for me and my dad where we started are long bus ride to Kamloops. It was a different ride without all the youth and it was a bit long and boring at some parts, but it was a bus ride. We got to Kamloops at 7:30 and we didn't get to are hotel until 8:15. We had the biggest walk! We had to walk down the entire hill in Kamloops and it was a little insane, but fun... In a way. Kamloops was good times and it made me think. After such a disappointing Historymaker of 05, I started to miss Historymaker. I wanted to go to a session but there were no sessions and I was so disappointed that I blew the youth convention a month ago. Was it meant to be? Possibly, maybe it was supposed to make me think. After some dinner at Boston Pizza, my dad made his way to the casino while I made my way to my hotel room, where I watched some nice fireworks. Yes, it was a nice Canada Day indeed.

In bed by 11:30, and awake by 5:45. Intense. This was the beginning of one of my greatest experiences though! I loved it! I now have a new friend and her name is the Empress! It honestly was good times. I can send pictures, but none of you like trains...

I'm dead tired, I can't type anymore...