// On my way to recovery.

It was a beautiful letdown,
When I crashed and burned,
When I found myself alone, unknown and hurt.
It was a beautiful letdown,
The day I knew,
That all the riches this world had to offer me,
Would never do.
-The Beautiful Letdown

And you’re on fire,
When he’s near you.
You’re on fire,
When he speaks.
You’re on fire,
Burning at these mysteries...
-On Fire

Gone,
Like yeterday is gone,
Like history is gone,
The world keeps spinning on.
You're going, going,
Gone,
Like summer break is gone,
Like Saturday is gone,
Just trying to prove me wrong,
You pretend like your immortal.
-Gone

I am reeling in shock and disbelief.

There are things in my head that I am trying to sort out. Fact or fiction, but the fact of the matter is, it doesn't matter if it's fact or fiction because it's a fact that all the fiction could possibly be fact and there is no way of finding out whether it's fact or fiction. (See? Even when I'm upset, I can still make witty jokes. This is a good sign.)

Friday night was weird. Saturday was worse. That was a sad and rainy day indeed. Today is Sunday and Sunday is better. Much better. I'm not fully recovered, but I will be soon. The weather just helps me along. There just things that still confuse me, things that I need answers to, but I'm trying to remember to rely on God instead of constantly beating myself up over the situation. It happened for a reason and though it doesn't seem very clear right now, it soon will. I only hope that I'll be able to be my normal self again, without hurting so much. All my favourite songs for the time being have been ruined, but maybe one day soon, I'll be able to listen to them again without constantly being reminded of what I lost. But I really haven't lost too much. I've learned much more. I'm trying not to be angry about everything that's happened this past weekend/month. I'm trying not to hold a grudge because that is not how I want to lose a bestfriend.

I've been listening to a lot of Switchfoot. It's pretty comforting. Even if the song doesn't really match the occation, it makes me feel a lot better. On Fire, The Beautiful Letdown and Gone are really making me wake up, though. (See above.)