//Monday, November 22, 2004

// Why?

I sit here and question life.

I listen to songs that remind me of past times that will never come again. Will better times come? Most likely, but it won’t be the same.

When I say I question life, it doesn’t mean I’m contemplating suicide. I’ve been before. For those who have just read this, you’re probably the first people I have ever told. But if I’m going to be telling a crowd of youth Friday, I have nothing to hide.

I’m not suicidal. I have been put in this world for a reason. I am to endure the crap that family, school, friends, enemies, and the world throw at me. I can take the crap. I might get hurt, but I’ll stand back up. Take another shot at me if you want.

If God does have a plan for me, he won’t leave me down and out. I know he has a plan for me.

Why do we go through this? Why do friends hurt each other? Why does family sometimes hurt us? Why does God take something so important in our life away?

But then I ask myself, why did Jesus where that crown of rose bushes? Why did he repeatedly get whipped? Why did he have to carry his own cross? Why did he have to go through that?

There is a reason behind everything. Do we know why? Not all the time.

Why is my mom not with me? Why do I have a step mom who treats me nowhere near as nice as my original mom? Why did she have to go when I was so young? Gods got a reason, but I don’t know it. Anyone can’t answer that question. Only the almighty God can.

Why did Jesus die on the cross? Because he loves us!!! HE LOVES US!!! The next person you see go up to them and say that Jesus died for them. Jesus died for me!!! Is that not an awesome sacrifice?? What more could I ask for?

God took Jesus up to heaven when the people he loved needed him. Jesus was so awesome. I love Jesus!!

My mom was awesome. Not as awesome as Jesus. If God has different plans for us, then that’s okay. No matter who he takes.

I miss my mom. I have tears running down my eyes because I miss her. I will always miss her, but I can honestly say I’m glad she is in heaven. I’m happy she is with my father in heaven. Not that I’m saying “yes! She’s gone!” It’s more like yes! She’s home!

You want what’s best for the people you love, no matter how much it hurts

2 Comments:

Blogger Stephanie said...

Hey Matt,

Thanks for sharing that with us. It's true and this is a good reminder. No one will ever know all the answers that God holds, but we can only trust in Him and know that He has a plan for each and every one of us.

I'm glad that I've gotten to know you and I'm happy that you're my friend. I know you've been through some hard times, but I admire the strength that it has created in you. I know that you're strong and you're determined to work through this life, but it's okay to feel down and out sometimes. Sadness has a season and it will pass. Things will always get better.

All the questions you ask, I ask them sometimes too. I wonder why things happened the way they did, but I figure it all happened for a reason, so I probably shouldn't question it too much. Matt, just know that you're in my prayers every night. The JC's here to back you up, no worries.

Steph.

6:15 p.m.  
Blogger XOXO CAT TACOS said...

Life is hard, but we are not alone, we are never truly alone. God may test us, things may seem unfair, he might seem distant and far off. But all we need to do is realize, that he is and always will be right beside you.

You are a wise man of God matt, I feel inspired reading this, seeing a friend figuring out his walk. God bless you, I'll be praying for you.

Benny A

10:36 p.m.  

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