// Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

Every year, I make resolutions. Not huge life-changing ones. But tiny ones. And I usually start out okay, but by March (at the latest), I've probably already given up on them. Which is unfortunate, because if I'd kept up with ever resolution I've ever made in my life, I'd probably be the hottest, happiest, richest, efficient person on earth. But thank goodness I'm not because that would kinda suck and I'd be a loser with no friends. However, I am in Grade 12 and life after high school requires self-discipline, so I might as well get crackin' on that, eh?

So without further ado, I give you... Steph's List of Resolutions For 2005.

1. Work out more often. (A LOT more often.) I'm not saying I want to lose forty pounds or something, I just want to get rid of this belly. Yes, I have a belly. Ah ha.

2. Write and record an independant acoustic album. I've already been writing, but I need to brush up, weed out, and really put these songs on disc. If this is the only resolution I accomplish this by the end of 2005, I'll be happy.

3. Spend more weekend hours on studying. If I studied an extra two, maybe three hours per weekend, I'd probably be on top of my Biology class. But unfortunately, I procrastinate. How sad.

4. Read the Bible more. Definitely a lot more. I mean, I read the Bible, but not enough to quote it right off the top of my head and know where in the Bible that quote is from. Sigh.

And that's all I got for now. If I think of anymore, we'll see.

// Miracle Drug

Still getting to know the beauty of U2, i've come across a awesome song. A song that seems to really make me want to get up and sing or dance! It seems like it's me talking to my friends, then talking to God, and back and forward.

You ever think Jesus could be are miracle drug?...

I want to trip inside your head
Spend the day there...
To hear the things you haven't said
And see what you might see

I want to hear you when you call
Do you feel anything at all?
I want to see your thoughts take shape
And walk right out

Freedom has a scent
Like the top of a new born baby's head
The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I've had enough I'm not giving up
On a miracle drug

Of science and the human heart
There is no limit
There is no failure here sweetheart
Just when you quit...

I am you and you are mine
Love makes nonsense of space
And time...will disappear
Love and logic keep us clear
Reason is on our side, love...

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I've had enough of romantic love
I'd give it up, yeah, I'd give it up
For a miracle, a miracle drug, a miracle drug

God I need your help tonight

Beneath the noise
Below the din
I hear a voice
It's whispering
In science and in medicine
"I was a stranger
You took me in"

The songs are in your eyes
I see them when you smile
I've had enough of romantic love
I'd give it up, yeah, I'd give it up
For a miracle, miracle drug

Miracle, miracle drug

// A song about doughnuts.

I was watching MuchMusic's Top 50 One Hit Wonders and it made me feel sort've depressed for awhile. Imagine being a struggling musician. Your only dream is to write the perfect song. To perform it in front of thousands of people in a sold-out stadium. To be on MuchMusic, MTV, Seventeen, YM, and every other media outlet. To share music with the world, to know that your creation has changed this world for the better. And now imagine, that one song has come... and gone. That's gotta suck to be a one-hit wonder. I mean, I know I'd be a bit depressed. Working so hard to create an album only to realize it's a completely flop and you're a complete failure. But y'know, I guess #1 in the Top 50 countdown was destined to be a one-hint wonder anyway: Butterfly by CrazyTown. I mean, really. There was no other way.

Spent today not doing too much. Smashed another mirror. Creepy old guy warned me about police searching the parking lot for a weapon. Uh, gotcha. Later in the evening, Dyllan and I hung out at Andy and Annick's place for a bit, only to eat more food before they return tomorrow. Then we walked to Matt and Nick's place to jam for a bit. It was alright; I learned a new song. Yay! But other than that, life's not so bad.

Man, these cookies are good. I'm gonna get me some more.

// Why won't the lights stop blinking?!

It's Christmas Day and I'm SUPPOSED to be at Nick and Matt's house, but noo. We can't go yet because Dyllan's still waiting for his jeans to come out of the dryer. Loser. But that's okay.

How radical would it be if I had the Star Wars, Jurassic Park, LOTR, and Harry Potter soundtracks playing in my life? Like, the music would come out of nowhere, but it would fit the situation PERFECTLY. I think that'd be pretty radical.

But yes, back to Christmas. Today was a fabulous morning. I wasn't expecting any gifts, but I got some, which makes me smile. Especially since I didn't ask for them, but I got exactly what I'd hoped for. Not that I was hoping because I was expecting something, but I was planning on getting these things when my first paycheque came in, anyway. Too long of a story, I'm starting to sound like a jerk. Moving on!

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU BIRTHDAY BOY, YOU! (Yeah, go Jesus.)

P.S. I think someone is stealing the paper from Andy/Annick's place. I've checked it the last few days, and the paper is always missing. WHAT THE...

// Have A Very Merry Christmas!

Dear Friends, Family, Fellow Bloggers...

I am informing you that this will be my last post until I have finished my blog vacation. I will be extremly busy and away a lot so I will not beable to post. Sooo......

Merry Christmas my friends... enjoy yourself!

From Your Friend...

Matty R.

// Broken

what did I do?
I only went on the defence
to protect myself
I only wanted to clear up the stupid things
that were being said
things I never thought someone would say to me
from my own brother
I'm left with pain
with choice
what choice?
why would he say that?
why would he do that?
I'm left with my tears
with my pain
with a life that strugles to try to understand
I'm broken

// Naniamo Vacation

Thursday marks a day where I go to Naniamo! Which means the poosibility of meeting Alleah! It's going to be a blind date! But it isn't... but it is... so are we just blind? I'm nervous for some reason, and I don't know why!

Anywho, here are some details Pinto... wow, should I call here Pinto, or by her real name? This is so crazy!!! So yes details.

I most likely will be getting into Naniamo at 10am at Departure Bay! Do you know where that is? I sure don't! We will be watching trains at any given time so I'm not sure when we would be able to see you, but we will be leaving the same time the passenger train leaves for Victoria again. Hey Pinto! You said you live by railroad tracks don't you? That could help!

Anywho, if you you want to leave a number I can call you tomorrow when were in Naniamo. You don't have to post it on this blog though, email me with whatever info you want to give me!

Wow! So excited! Going to Naniamo!




Just to let you know... (this is a totally diferent subject)

Richmond played Vancouver yesterday with 4 on 4 hockey. Vancouver had 4 players and a goalie (me) and Richmond had 6 players and a goalie. Crap, Richmond is going to own Vancouver, right? WRONG!

How about an 8-0 Win for the Vancouver team! Richmond had nothing! They were blown out of the water! It was even fun for me! I had like 4 shots! Some older guys came though and the games quickluy were no longer aboput Vancouver vs Richmond...

we played a bunch of smaller games but at the end we had one big game, obnly with the guys in there twenties. They let up on defence so I was tested a lot more! It was an early 1-0 lead for my team, and we had some solid goaltending until and let in a weak rebound! SO UGLY!! Boo Me! Anywho... my bro came and I had to go so it was next goal wins!

This guy broke lose and got a breakaway! Crap he was good! But I stopped him! Sucker! We won that game 2-1!

A Merry Christmas indeed

// I want to ride my bicycle.

I'm so stoked. In an hour or so, my mom's going to drop me and my brother off at Burnett, where Matt's organized this Richmond vs. Vancouver hockey game that I'm sure you all know about by now. I'm not even playing and I'm stoked. Why? BECAUSE I'M OFFICIAL CAMERA (WO)MAN! So rad. I'm excited.

Did I mention I made chocolate cookies today? Oh yes. So good.

And I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike. I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride it where I like... I've been wanting to ride my bike a lot the last few days. I think it started on Sunday. But my mom won't let me, so it's quite frustrating. She won't let me take the car, she won't drive me there, and she won't let me ride my bike. So then my only options left are walking and bussing. QUE C'EST RIDICULE! Indeed.

// Vancouver Vs. Richmond, Hockey Christmas Style!

After a fun gathering of hockey yesterday are old crew forgot how much fun it was to play hockey together. Twas fun indeed. Now we want to play more this winter break! And have I got the solution!

I have officially challenged Richmond to a hockey game... Bring it on!

It should be fun... I've never really played against my Richmond friends, and I have had some past criticism, so this is a chance to prove myself. If nobody shows for Richmond… I guess there not only afraid of my city, but of my team!
And yes it is true; Richmond folk are scared of Vancouver, at least some of them.

So yeah this brings a bit of excitement to be dull day of being sick. I’m really looking forward to this! Yes, girls can come to if they want to cheer on their city, or if there secretly really good players, but yeah, who cares if you just come to chill, Christmas is about being with who you love! I love hockey and I’m being with hockey and friends!

If my friends do come to cheer, I wonder if they’ll cheer me on… even though I am battling against there city…

Tuesday December 21st 2004
Richmond Vs Vancouver Hockey Christmas Challenge
Seven (7) pm
Burnett (Thompson Community Centre)
Come play for your city, come cheer for your city

Call Matt as soon as possible if you’re coming, we need a lot of players for this Richmond team. This is just for fun, so come have fun! But bragging rights are huge here too!

// The little things in life.

Awhile back I got this e-mail forward from a friend, it turned out to be one of those chain messages but what struck me was that as much as it was the same as just another chain message, at the same moment it was also very different. It wasn't one of those that said ' Scroll Down and If you don't send this to atleast 10 people, your love life will be horrible ' but it did say this : ' If you don't send this to at least 8 people... who cares? '

I agree with much of what was said in the e-mail though, it really touched me and actually got me thinking of whether I was overlooking these little things in life.

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones,
because they are not going to be around forever.

It's true. You know when sometimes your mom or dad try to pull you out of the house and just go drive around or go shopping or something and you whine about it? Times like those only come around for so long. Your parents and family aren't going to be around forever, so those drives and walks are limited; cherish them.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to
you in awe, because that little person soon will
grow up and leave your side.

You were once young. Being looked up to is a great gift, someone thinks of you in such a way they want to be like you. Don't ruin that, say something nice to them and that'll mean all the difference. A small word, a little gesture can move mountains.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you,
because that is the only treasure you can give with
your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Friendship lasts forever, but they may not always be around. Show your friends you care, cherish the time you have left with them before you part ways. Don't take them for granted for one day you'll need them around and they won't be. In a lifetime, you'll be lucky if you have one good friend...

Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and
your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and
an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep
inside of you.

Remember to cherish your significant other, enjoy your time together. Cherish your family and friends, and even the people you don't know very well. You would be surprised at how easily a simple little gesture can put a smile on someone's face, or make their day.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for
someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak, and give time
to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we
take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Life is a learning experience. You only get to live it once, so take advantage of it. Enjoy the simple moments of life. The quiet night as you walk home alone. Staring out the window in the middle of the night looking out at the sky. Holding hands with your friend as you watch a movie. Laughing it up on a saturday afternoon at the mall with friends. Your friends head on your shoulder as they fall asleep on the bus ride back home. All of it.

Just remember life only comes by once, so live a little.

HeLo Matt, Im posting my first message for this week :P I think im singed on, on my other account or sumthin...oDd So yeaa, im in class rite now. We got a free day today. Its pretty boring...friday is gonna b fun at youth, yyuuuppp. BOREEDDD

ttyl on msn prob - or ill c u on fri!

cya-kasi

// Friendship bracelets and smudged mascara.

Okay, so I've had an interesting last couple of weeks. After all, it is coming close to Christmas and everyone knows how busy that gets.

Like Matt said, the last of the 2004 Christmas Cantata at RPC was on Sunday. That was an awesome time. I'm so lucky that I got to be a part of it. Especially since it might be my final Christmas at RPC for awhile. But yeah, more on that later. My hair was all curled and I actually wore make-up (of my own choice!!) and I felt so pretty. It's nice when people remember that I'm still a girl, even though I beat up all the boys at youth group. AH HA. It was a great time, indeed.

And yeah, the thought of moving into Edmonton for school doesn't scare it so much. I'm down for that. It's just the thought of leaving my life behind. My family and my youth group. These are my best friends. In the last couple years, it's always been rare for me to call anyone my best friend, and it feels so good now that I can say "best friend" and know that it's a mutual feeling. There's a couple people that have just really touched my heart in the last couple years. And it's a long story, but Dyllan and I weren't talking for awhile in September and everyday, it hurt so much knowing that he was just down the block from me, but it felt like an ocean between us. I feel so lucky that he's my best friend and that he takes care of me the way that he does. And Matt? After you shared your testimony at that youth rally, I was praying for you that night. And then I cried. Because I thought, it really isn't fair that you knew your cat longer than you knew your mom. And I've never met your mom, but I'm just so happy that at least she's up in Heaven where God is taking care of her. And I'm sure she's smiling and feeling very proud of you right now. I know I'm proud of you. I could go on forever about each and every single one of you, but I won't, otherwise my tears are going to drown this keyboard and I'll have to get a new one. But just know you all have a place in my heart.

But please, no comments acknowledging the sentimental value of this post. I just wanted to put this out there. Thanks. (But there certainly seems to be a trend of emotional posts lately. Rad. It means we appreciate life. Good work.)

Anyway, I've got dinner waiting and a Biology project to finish, so I shall be off.

// Counting The Ways To Where You Are

I'm fifteen for a moment
cought in between ten and twenty
and I'm just dreaming
counting the ways to where you are...

...when you've only got a hundred years to live...

It was the last contata tonight and I again have that overflow of happieness effect. For some reason I want to just give Dominique, Jasmine, Stephanie, and Lalaine praise for the work they have done, even though my role was much more bigger.

I wanted to hug everyone and hold them in my arms. Not in like a boyfriend, girlfriend way, but in a way where we could all just soak in each others love.

I wanted to tell Dominique how beautiful she looked, how beautiful Lalaine looked, how beautiful Stephanie look, how beautiful Jasmine looked. Again, not in like a boyfriend, girlfriend way, but in a way to just let them now how much I really love them; how important and special they are to me. I really do have beautiful friends.

Marion said I was a total flirt! I laughed so hard cause in a way it's true, but then again, I look at them like sisters... and could I even see myself going out with one of them? To be more then 'just friends'? No, I couldn't, they will always be my friends.

I wanted to do something for Norman, the guy is having such a trial with life. Yet I wanted to freeze that moment at Dairy Queen with Dyllan and him.

I must say that I love all of you guys... with all my heart. From Steph to Dyllan, and Jasmine, and Nick, and Dominique, and Norman, and...

you get the point.

You are all very special people to me...

never forget that...


...When you've only got a hundred years to live...

// 'Cause it's a bittersweet symphony.

This life.
Try to make ends meet.

Life plays funny little tricks on you. It's as if God does that just to make sure you're paying attention to what's happening around you. It just knocks you back down to reality.

After waking up and heading off to church armed with a coat and no breakfast, I finally got there. It was cold, I was still tired, and even more... I was hungry. What surprised me though was that on my walk back home, I saw my dad and sis in the car driving past. They picked me up and off we went for lunch. Pretty normal so far, but it was weird. When I got back home my sister needed to work on her essay so she sat me down and played music while staring out the window and pointing out random details.

An airplane landing.
A bird flying by the window.
The mountains, all high and majestic.
A car zooming down the road.
Someone walking home by themselves.

It was then I noticed, and I quote : " Everyone walking around outside oblivious that we can see them from the window; which is why we are all connected ". Gets me thinking, of course I do that every so often. When no one is around, or It's late at night and I can't fall asleep. I plop down on the couch and just stare out the window. It gives you some time to think about things and reflect upon current predicaments and to put things in perspective. Calm is the sea when the mind is calm. I just kind of forget about everything, all your problems and worries when I do that. I look outside into the pitch black dark and I am trapped in the moment. I realize just how small my problems and worries are, as I watch the world go on with it's business right outside my window. We are only seperated by a thin wall of glass, their problems are just as real as mine are and I am not the center of the world. The worries don't automatically just go away, but hey. It helps.

// Ah... the Christmas spirit.

Ah yes, after a long exhausting visit to the mall i have once again deducted that everyone is extremely happy during this time of year. All in the midst of christmas shopping and what not. For a first since... well EVER, I decided to give it a try. I mean why not? It's not like I had something to lose, so off I went in search of Christmas gifts.

After lunch at Whitespot, Wilson and I headed off towards Richmond Centre, the mother of all shopping centres in Richmond. We circled around and around the mall again and again while thinking of ideas for Christmas gifts. None. Zip. After about what seemed to be eternity, we decided on Chocolates ( being the best neutral type of gift ) but Purdy's proved to be more expensive than all the cash in both our pockets put together. After 4 hours we gave up and walked to Lansdowne, there we found... well nothing, and so ends my scavenge for Christmas Gifts, perhaps I'll give it a try again next year.

// Workin' On The Railroad: Day 1

Allrighty, I have completed work on the blog for today, BUT it's no where near done. For those who are completly blind, let me sum up what's happened.

What's Been Done? Added?
First of all I had to change the template. I loved are old template, but I couldn't use it if I was going to do what I needed to do. The reason? The errows were becoming a problem.

Second thing is I added a banner!! Yay!!! I call it my low budget banner that was made by a lazy a nine year old. For those who are vomiting at the sight, don't worry, Stephanie is on it, and we all know how crazily good she is at making this stuff!

Third thing are picture profiles! Without the help of Andrew! I know, it is a shock. I'm not sure how the sizes work, I had some trouble with that but I have the right idea. I don't have a picture for Brendon so for now he is Markus Naslund! No shame in that.

Fourth thing is that I have my quote area or update area... whatever you want to call it.

Problems, Things I'm Working on
Okay the Gretzky quote is linked to i don't know what but I must change that. Also the side column is cutting into the main column, so I must make sure they stay in there proper areas. There is a huge space between the people who make this blog and the profiles for some reason I do not know.

The Future?
Pffft, I don't know...I'm just winging it! But there will be more!

// Under Construction

Okay… in order for me to do what I want to do to the blog, I need to change the template. So say good bye to this template for now as we try out new flavors. Yes, I am just as afraid as anyone else…

// An Apology

Dear fellow blog members

As leader of this blog I have a responsibility; a responsibility of keeping this blog up to date and at least post three times a week. However, I have failed and for this I apologize. I have my reasons. A lot of stress has come my way recently, but still, this blog has been a way to vent myself. Again, I have not done so. I will be getting more posts up soon.

However, I am also disappointed that no one has stepped up to the plate to cover for me. I do not expect people to step up for me, but it would be nice. But one thing that has caught my attention is that once again Brendon has been silenced. After his big post about him posting more then everyone, he was silenced again. Your in the hot seat again Brendon!

As for the blog, it crashed yesterday. I think we lost a couple of things but do to my handy work it’s back in action. Many EXCITING changes are happening the next few weeks on the blog! Andrew has given me everything I need to know about spicing up the place. As for Andrew’s membership of Whatever… his time here is coming to a close. We will tell you more about this as the time approaches. To replace Andrew I’m thinking of adding Kasi! So stay tuned, ‘because we’re going to fly!

// Won't Someone Save Me?

Who will come save me from school!? Meh, I don't really care anymore. I asked Dyllan to come see me after school but like he would come. Anywho... I am in class so a couple things.

The reason I can not use the internet; Second term report card last year (grade 11) my marks improved swo I got my "internet and PS2 " privileges . They were taken away from first term for my poor marks. So because of poor third term marks (which were actually an improvement, still crappy, but improved) i do not get to use the internet, which I completly ignore!

Yes... as I said before... I'm in school while Richmond folk are free to be. I'm not to jelous... my pro D day was two weeks ago. So be free my friends...

This church drama is killing me... this will need more time to post, a small introduction lets say. So add a lot of line memorizing for school and church gives you nice headaches... ACTING headaches (Pinto, you can relate).

Tomorrow is Christmas party at my place which will start up at 3 and end at 10 I guess... I gotta work on organizing it, that also is giving me a headache... mainly people just complaing about getting home. Geez... I can't get home from Richmond at 11, is it that hard to get home from Vancouver at 10? Calm down Matt.... calm down... we'll work this out, okay? I'm sorry, hug?



Excuse me while I hug myself...




Attention Whoever: I can't go to youth tonight (I'll still be at the church at will join you guys later) but does anyone want to grab a bite to eat earlier? Let me know...

Attention to whoever is coming Saturday: I'll have more instructions for you tonight... and please tell me the time from 3 to 10 is good, it's the best I can do!

Hey! I'm still in keyboarding! Uh oh... I'm hugging myself in class...