// Top 20 Chuck Norris Facts, According to Me

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

3. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

4. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

5. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

6. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

7. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.

8. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian.

9. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

10. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

11. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

12. Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

13. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

14. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

15. What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victimsbefore they died? His shoe.

16. A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

17. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

18. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

19. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

20. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.


I stoll this from Stop Five Records and some Chuck Norris Facts Sight, and I still can't stop laughing, I don't even know why.